Life Long Forgotten
by fluffy pantoufle
Summary: Rinoa's life certainly isn't what she expected it was going to be. Her relationship with Squall is waning, while her friendship with Zell is heating up. On top of that, a freak lightning bolt leaves her seeing ghosts! Whatever is a sorceress to do?
1. Interrupted By Fireworks

**"Life Long Forgotten"  
**  
By: _fluffy pantoufle_

Disclaimer: FF8 is the property of Square Enix, and I am in no way affiliated with them!

A/N: Greetings! This is my long-awaited attempt at reviving my fanfic writing "career," if you will. I've been writing on and off here since 2000 under  
a myriad of different pen names. Please enjoy reading this fic, and feel free to comment on whatever you wish! I know that Zell/Rinoa stories  
are usually pretty farfetched, but I'm determined to make this pairing as realistic and enjoyable as possible!

* * *

Thunder crashes.

Zell woke up in a cold sweat from the sound of nature's aggression outside his bedroom window. Trying desperately to remember the contents of his dreams, he ran a hand through his ruffled, blonde hair and took a deep breath. This was the second or third night this week in which a thunderstorm had interrupted his sleep; why the weather was being so tumultuous as of late, he had no idea. It was nights like this that reminded him of being five or six years old again and at the orphanage - he smiled at the memory. Zell recalled pulling his blanket up over his head and clutching his stuffed turtle to his chest, waiting for the storm to pass.

His mind gradually wandered back to his dreams, and the blonde's eyebrows furrowed as he unsuccessfully pieced together their contents. He could remember faces, but no one was ever clear enough to distinguish. When the faces were particularly blurry, Zell knew that he had been dreaming about his parents. Unlike several of his friends, he had a very hazy idea of what his parents were like. Unfortunately, due to the use of his Guardian Forces, his memories of them had waned over the years.

Zell always associated his mother with warmth. She had long blonde hair that often tickled his face when she held him. He knew that when she gave hugs, they were loving and protective. Her voice was high and full of inflection.

Zell's father, on the other hand… The young man had always just assumed that his father was a busy guy and wasn't around too often. He had light brown hair - or was it red? In Zell's dreams, his father was always very tall, but that was probably how he perceived him as a baby. Whether or not he was affectionate, or funny, or cared about anything at all, Zell didn't know.

Sleep wasn't coming back to Zell anytime soon; he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stretched his arms high above his head. It would come as a surprise to many that Zell Dincht was not only clownish and impulsive, but also quite thoughtful when the time was right. It bothered him in a way that his friends didn't seem to worry about their pasts. Selphie, Irvine, Quistis - hell, even Seifer - it was their right to _know._

He stood and flipped on the light. It had been several years after the defeat of Ultimecia, and life had remained surprisingly quiet around Balamb Garden. With Squall at the helm Garden maintained a predictable atmosphere, but after all that they had witnessed this wasn't a bad thing. Zell and several of his friends began to teach classes at various levels - Zell, Irvine and Selphie were placed in charge of novice classes, which were always fun and engaging. Quistis remained with the more advanced SeeD candidates.

Rinoa, however…

Zell always found it funny that Rinoa, with her bubbly personality, never took to teaching the younger cadets. As far as he knew, she spent the majority of her time with Squall and Angelo, wandering the grounds and socializing with everyone. Even several years after Ultimecia, Balamb Garden must have been a fascinating place for Rinoa Heartilly, and one that the others had probably taken for granted at times. On more than one occasion Zell had run into Rinoa in the library, trying to read up on information that was commonplace to most SeeDs.

There was another bright flash at Zell's window, but without thunder to accompany it. However, in lieu of the thunder, he heard a flurry of commotion outside of his door. He ran over to open the door and check it out. As he did, Zell realized he was face to face with Selphie, who had her fist up in preparation to knock.

"Oh my gosh, ZELL!" Her green eyes were wide with fear, and he noticed immediately that her fist was shaking like a leaf. "Have you heard anything?!"

He shrugged, confused. "Other than the thunder outside, no…"

Selphie shook her head. "No, not that - about Rinoa!"

Zell cocked his head to the side. "Rinoa? What the heck are you talking about, Selph?"

Clearly, Zell had been asleep for longer than he imagined he was. Selphie took several glances around at the bustle around her before concentrating on Zell again. "She's in the Infirmary right now. I think she got struck by lightning in the storm, but no one's told me anything and I can't find Squall anywhere!"

Lightning? Rinoa? Infirmary? "Wait…WHAT?"

"C'mon!" Selphie grabbed Zell's hand and began to tug him down the hallway, not even giving him sufficient time to lock his door. "We've gotta go find Squall somewhere!"

* * *

Thunder crashes.

With the boom of the thunder came Angelo's soft whimpers as he tried to press himself as close to Rinoa as possible. The raven haired beauty encouragingly scratched his head, behind his ears, but to no avail. She had to stop walking because if she even tried to take one more step the dog would inadvertently have tripped her.

"Angelo, shh… It's only a passing storm. You'll be all right."

All Rinoa wanted to do was take an evening walk before she went to bed. As far as she knew, the skies were supposed to remain clear, but they decided to take a turn for the worse about twenty minutes into her excursion. Angelo loved accompanying her on her walks, as she tried to leave Garden at least several times each week. Strolling the meadows helped the girl to clear her mind and be at peace with everything that was happening around her.

She had been living in Balamb Garden with Squall and the others for at least two and a half years at this point. On the whole, Rinoa couldn't complain - who would trade a positive living environment with friends and security for anything else? However, there were fleeting moments in her daily routine in which she felt like an outsider, despite her internal protests with herself. Aimless banter with Selphie and Quistis could potentially become confusing for Rinoa if she wasn't familiar with SeeD jargon. Seifer had been readmitted to Garden and never had a warm expression on his face when crossing her.

And Squall…

Rinoa could never deny her love for Squall Leonhart. In a world where so many people couldn't find a partner, she counted her stars every day for having him in her life. At the same time, she was aware of the fact that most people viewed their relationship as perfection personified. There certainly were subtle nuances in their bond that seemed perfect, but she would also be the first to admit that there were problems.

Since being appointed Commander of Garden, Squall took his job seriously. At first, Rinoa found this to be admirable. However, as time wore on and the threats against Garden's existence ceased to be, he still worked relentlessly. It was a rare moment indeed to see him relaxed, with Rinoa or anyone. For him to hang out with anyone other than Xu or Nida - which wasn't even leisure time, as they both worked as his assistants - was a luxury that Squall felt he couldn't afford.

Perhaps it was just the amount of responsibility that was given to him that made him feel so dedicated to Garden. Maybe it was the fact that he wanted to make up for whatever mistakes he felt occurred in his past. Rinoa couldn't pinpoint one specific reason, despite the fact that she had wracked her brain over and over again. Discussions with him about the topic in question always ended in heated argument; Squall had become more open about many things, but for some reason work wasn't one of them.

Regardless, Rinoa was dedicated to him. She also counted herself lucky for the friends she had in her life. As long as the conversation wasn't too militaristic, Quistis and Selphie were fabulous to pal around with. Irvine and Zell had become her brothers in a sense, and it wasn't uncommon to see them running around Garden with a couple of the younger cadets, causing mischief. Even Headmaster Cid and Dr. Kadowaki had made themselves available to Rinoa at times, to converse or help her understand how Balamb Garden functioned.

Of all her friends, though, Rinoa had bonded most closely with Zell over the past several years. He had a quality about him that most of the young men in Garden didn't have - it was this boyish, natural charm that Zell simply oozed. The traits of Rinoa's personality seemed to mix perfectly with this. If there was ever a time when Rinoa or Zell couldn't be found, all one had to do was head to the opposite's dorm room and knock on the door. If one wasn't familiar with the situation it probably did look fishy, but seeing as most of Garden knew both Rinoa and Zell, no one ever thought their friendship to contain infidelity.

_He's also the only one that never made me feel like a weirdo… _

Rain began to fall down upon Rinoa and Angelo. The droplets were few and far between, but over a period of several minutes picked up pace. She looked up into the dark sky, tinted gray from the storm clouds, and saw a flash of lightning in the distance. A whistle escaped her lips in order to get Angelo to follow her, and Rinoa began to head back to Garden. Her hair whipped around her face as the wind picked up and also as her glance floundered from side to side, checking for monsters of any kind.

Out of nowhere, the rain began to fall in sheets, completely drenching Rinoa's clothes; she was chilled to the bone. Another loud clap of thunder sent Angelo running towards Balamb Garden. The poor raven-haired girl was too flustered to shout, so she simply began to run after him. She didn't realize how far they had walked, and with the rain the ground was becoming soft and muddy. The soft glow of Garden's lights illuminated her path, but it wasn't enough. Rinoa slipped in a particularly huge puddle and went flying into a ditch.

"Angelo…" She laid there for a moment, murmuring the dog's name. Rinoa feared she had hit her head, but woozily tried to stand up anyway. "Angelo?"

It was then that a blinding flash and a loud crash overcame Rinoa's senses. She tried to scream, but everything came toppling down on her too fast, far too fast.

And then it all went black.


	2. Anyone Else But You

**"Life Long Forgotten"**

By:_ fluffy pantoufle_  
Disclaimer: FF8 is the property of Square Enix, and I am in no way affiliated with them!

A/N: Greetings, all! Here's the second chapter of the story! Perhaps some suspense is lost in me uploading chapters so quickly, or perhaps I'm appeasing  
anyone who might be intrigued by the storyline. The reason behind this is that I'm returning to college on August 21st, so ideally I'd like to have a huge chunk  
of this done by then. Additionally, I want to establish the story in the first several chapters and then get to the really good stuff. (:  
So, like always, read - enjoy - and tell me what you think!

PS: When I wrote the Zell/Rinoa flashback, I was listening to "Anyone Else But You" by the Moldy Peaches. It seemed to be a good fit for how I'm trying to  
construct their relationship...

* * *

The sterile, medical scent of the Infirmary created an unsettling atmosphere for Zell and Selphie. They checked every conceivable spot in Garden and couldn't find Squall anywhere. Figuring that he would show up eventually, the pair decided to wait in the Infirmary and support Rinoa in the meantime. Dr. Kadowaki had not revealed much about her condition, but emphasized that the time period in which Rinoa was struck and treated would be the ultimate factor in her recovery. If they had discovered her too late, even the doctor wasn't sure as to what Rinoa's fate would be.

Zell was finding it particularly difficult to sit still. Selphie would glance at him in her peripheral to see him drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair, shuffling his feet on the floor, or stretching his neck from side to side in an attempt to crack it. He glanced nervously around the waiting room, searching for any sign that would tell him Rinoa was going to be all right. At one point, he felt a small, soft hand on top of his; Selphie was staring at him and smiled with optimism.

"C'mon Zell, don't get yourself so worked up…" Selphie whispered. "Rinoa would want you to stay calm, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," he replied. "I just hate that the doc isn't giving us a clue if Rin's gonna make it through this."

Selphie took a look at the door that led to Rinoa's location, in which Dr. Kadowaki was working tirelessly. "She'll let us know when she has the chance. Right now she's just trying to do everything she can."

Without warning, the door to the Infirmary swung open. Squall, Irvine, and Quistis entered the room, each looking more flustered than the next. Before the door closed entirely, even Angelo nosed his way into the waiting room. Squall was glistening with perspiration; he had a worried, bewildered expression on his face. Irvine was without his trademark cowboy hat and his mahogany colored hair hung loosely. Quistis bent down to pet Angelo, who had begun to whine.

"Has Dr. Kadowaki told you anything?" Squall asked Zell and Selphie, his words quick. Zell could hear the fear in his voice. "Is Rinoa going to be OK?"

Before Zell could speak, Selphie stood up and shook her head. "We don't know. She just said that time is the most crucial factor at this point and hopefully they weren't too late…"

Squall slumped into the nearest chair, burying his face in his hands. If he was about to cry, he was still guarded enough that he wasn't going to show it. The sound of his heavy, ragged breath was amplified against his hands. "I didn't even know that she had left Garden…"

"Squall, don't blame yourself," Quistis said, sitting down next to him and placing a supportive hand on his shoulder. "It was…a freak accident, you know? The weather is out of everyone's control."

"I know," he said softly. "But she should have been with me. We should have been together."

The room fell silent, with the exception of Squall's breathing. Even Angelo quieted down, laying at Squall's feet with his head between his paws. No one knew what to say or do to make the situation any better, so Selphie sat back down next to Zell and Irvine leaned against the wall, his arms crossed against his chest. Quistis patted Squall's back one more time before removing her hand and clasping them in her lap, staring at the floor.

Every so often Zell would glance up at Squall, who remained unwavering in his position of shrouding his face. He wanted to say something, anything to make his friend feel better, but nothing sufficient came to mind. In fact, all Zell wanted to do was speak with Rinoa and reassure her that everything was going to turn out OK. The fact that he might not receive that chance almost brought the young man to tears, but he pulled himself together just in the nick of time.

In order to raise his spirits, Zell thought about all of the great times that he had spent with Rinoa. There was that one night in the cafeteria when Irvine had gotten the last hot dog in the lunch line… Zell remembered how angry he had gotten, and how hungry he was! Rinoa offered to distract Irvine so that he could grab the coveted hot dog and bring it back to his table. Luckily, Selphie had let slip to Rinoa that Irvine loved it when she would come up behind him and wrap her arms around his neck.

"When you do it, you need to, like…I don't know…give a little sigh of relief or something," Selphie said, shrugging. "It's hard to explain. I just know that Irvine goes weak every time I do it!"

After making sure Selphie wasn't around to see, Rinoa spotted Irvine sitting alone in the cafeteria, with the hot dog on a plate and a book open on the table. While Zell waited out of Irvine's view, Rinoa sauntered up behind him and quite alluringly wrapped her arms around his neck. She pressed her cheek against his and sighed ever so softly.

Irvine grinned. "Aw, Seffie baby…hello to you too." He tried to turn his head in order to give her a kiss, but as he did it dawned upon him that it wasn't Selphie. "HEY!" The cowboy exclaimed, toppling out of his chair and onto the floor. As he did, Zell ran by, snatched up the hot dog, and ran out of the cafeteria. Rinoa knelt down, gave Irvine a plutonic kiss on the cheek, and followed Zell.

Several minutes later, the duo was sitting on a bench outside of the dormitories. Rinoa leaned back and watched the people go by but, more interestingly, watched Zell consume the hot dog. It only took a moment or two, but before she could blink twice that hot dog was nothing more than a memory. A look of pure delight danced its way across his face, and Rinoa burst out in laughter.

"What?" Zell inquired, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "That was a fabulous hot dog!"

Rinoa had to wipe the tears that were forming in the corners of her eyes and attempt to compose herself. "I…I bet it was!" She exclaimed, all the while giggling like a preteen.

He couldn't understand why his friend was bursting into hysterics. To Zell, the consumption of a hot dog - especially one that was so difficult to obtain - was almost a religious experience. However, he chose not to say that to Rinoa, fearing the consequences… A confession like that would surely make its way around Balamb Garden within a day or so. Instead, he remained silent and watched as Rinoa tried to regain herself.

Zell could always acknowledge the fact that Rinoa was a pretty girl, ever since the day he met her. However, on the evening of the "hot dog heist," as they began to call it, there was something damningly attractive about the raven-haired beauty, something that drew him in like never before. Of course, he knew he could never act upon how he felt that day, and since then had tried to suppress any attraction he had to Rinoa Heartilly. Zell had too much respect for his friends in order to do that.

Suddenly, Zell snapped out of his daydreams as the door opened and Dr. Kadowaki emerged. She looked exhausted, but satisfied. Everyone in the room felt as if they had been taken by the shoulders and shook when she appeared, and they waited quietly for her to speak.

"This has been a terrible accident for Rinoa, as I'm sure you all know," she began. "Thankfully, it seems as if we have gotten to her in time and she should make a complete recovery. I'd like to keep her here for several days in order to monitor her progress, but I'm confident that all will be well."

It was as if a huge, dark cloud had passed and the sun finally shone through. Squall nodded to Dr. Kadowaki and smiled, while Selphie and Quistis stood and embraced in the center of the room. Angelo rose to his feet and let out an excited bark, sensing the change of energy within the room.

"Can we see her, Dr. Kadowaki?" Squall inquired.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, of course. She's just very tired, so I suggest that you keep the visit short for tonight."

Squall stood and looked at the others. Nothing needed to be said. Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine gathered themselves and left the waiting room, realizing that Squall wanted to be alone with her. Zell whistled to Angelo and, after catching the dog's attention, followed his friends out of the waiting room.

Despite the fact that he was dying to speak to Rinoa, with Angelo trotting at his heels the blonde felt as if he had a piece of her with him. Zell knew that he could wait until the morning to see her, but the image of her laughing reverberated through his mind and - against his better judgment - made its way down to his heart.


	3. Lonelily

**"Life Long Forgotten"**

By: _fluffy pantoufle_

Disclaimer: FF8 is the property of Square Enix, and I am in no way affiliated with them!

* * *

The morning following Rinoa's accident, Zell awoke with an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach. It wasn't something that he had not combated before and overcome, but for some reason this feeling was stronger than usual. He felt as if he had drank several cups of coffee and the caffeine was coursing through his veins, making him jittery and anxious. As he went about his morning routine, he noticed that his concentration was everywhere and nowhere. Angelo laid at the foot of his bed, watching him intently.

"Sorry, Angelo…" Zell said absently as he knocked a trinket from his nightstand, "It's normally a lot more quiet around here. But I'm gonna get you back to see Rin today, OK?" The dog perked up at the mentioning of Rinoa's name and hopped off of the bed, ready to go. Zell made sure that everything was in place - his hair, his clothing, his shoes were tied and his teeth brushed - and left the room with Angelo.

It was a quiet Sunday morning in Balamb Garden; there was barely a soul in sight. The sound of Zell's and Angelo's feet echoed down the abandoned halls. On occasion, a student would scurry by with an armful of books - clearly the types that had been pulling an all nighter in the library while they had the chance. Not that Balamb Garden supported an active nightlife as it was… Every so often a festival or ball would be held, but for the most part if a student wanted to go out on a Saturday night they would have to travel to Balamb city. Most couldn't be bothered by the commute and chose honing their skills over trips to the pub.

Zell had only been to the pub once. It was his birthday, and he had made plans with Rinoa, Selphie, and Irvine to go to Balamb and visit Belhelmel. Quistis opted out of the event, claiming that she had papers to grade; Squall wouldn't even entertain the notion of leaving Garden. Rinoa had later said that she and Squall argued about it, as she knew that his going would have meant a lot to Zell.

He smirked slightly at the thought of Rinoa arguing with Squall and taking _his _side. Of course, Zell knew that it was only out of friendship, but…

"Zell!"

The blonde was so lost in his memories that he didn't realize Squall walking towards him. He was dressed plainly in a white tee shirt and black pants; he looked as if it had been a sleepless night. Squall smiled, Zell reciprocated, and Angelo let out a friendly bark.

"Sorry, Squall… Had some stuff on my mind, y'know?"

The commander nodded. "You don't have to tell me, Zell. I've got similar problems to sort out."

"How's she doing?" Zell asked, almost immediately after Squall had spoke. The question had been the only thing he wanted to say to anyone.

"Rinoa's good," Squall replied, smiling softly. "Even Dr. Kadowaki is surprised at how well she's been doing in just a few hours. I might be able to come and get her by the end of the day."

"Great! That's awesome, man - I'm glad to hear it."

There was an awkward pause as Squall glanced down to the floor and rubbed the back of his head. Zell tried to meet his gaze and decipher what it was he wanted to say, but to no avail. Instead, he stood uneasily while his friend tried to muster up the words that were on his mind.

"So, Zell…"

"'Sup?"

It was obvious that it was difficult for Squall to talk about whatever topic he was planning to bring up. Ever since the defeat of Ultimecia, Squall had been making a very conscious effort to open up with his friends. For the most part, this change in his character was refreshing; everyone was fond of him as it was, and to get the opportunity to really get to know him was welcome. However, Squall was still learning how to convey his emotions with others, especially when it came to talking about Rinoa. It was clear that he still felt that romantic issues were better left private.

"I'm worried about Rinoa."

Zell nodded. "I think we all are, Squall! But you said that she's doing so well -"

"No, no. Not just that." Squall shook his head. "She just hasn't been herself lately, even before all of this happened to her. Every time I saw her she was always just so, so…" Zell waited as Squall tried to search for the right word. "Despondent?"

The blonde let a quiet laugh escape from his lips. "You sure you shouldn't have been an English teacher?"

"…I don't know." It was as if Squall dismissed Zell's attempt at a joke. "I just want her to be happy, but I don't know how to do that. She knows that it's still hard for me to be like…a good boyfriend, I suppose. But sometimes Garden gets in the way, and…" The young man had run out of steam. He could think of nothing else to say, and simply shrugged.

"I understand what you're trying to get at, Squall. Don't worry." Zell gestured to a nearby bench, and the two young men sat down. "It must be tough…ya know, trying to run this big huge Garden while also trying to be a good boyfriend. Rinoa knows about all the hard work that you put into this place, believe me."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Has she ever said anything to you about me, Zell?"

Zell shrugged. "Um, she's mentioned you once or twice, but it's not like that's all she talks about."

"Really?"

"Yeah…" He trailed off. The blonde didn't know what to say to his friend without this situation becoming more awkward than it already was. He tried to tiptoe around the subject, but instead just sounded like he was hiding something - much to Squall's chagrin. "I mean, I guess a good way to make her happy would be to just, um…spend more time with her."

"She said this?" Squall asked, confused.

"I think she's said it a couple times…not just to me, though. It probably came up as girl talk between, y'know…Selphie and Quistis and her…" Zell felt his face flush. "So don't think that that was just like, something exclusive that her and I only talked about in private!"

Zell managed to leave his friend completely baffled, even though that was not his intent. Squall leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Now I just feel awful. I wish she would have said something to me about it instead of telling everyone else. If it had just been you then it wouldn't be weird, but…I don't know how I feel about Quistis and Selphie thinking I'm a bad boyfriend."

_This is too weird… Way too weird. _Zell squirmed in his seat on the bench, trying to concoct a way out of this conversation. He normally didn't mind talking to Squall, but at the same time the topic of conversation wasn't typically Rinoa. "It's not like you still don't have a chance, Squall. Just talk to her. Hang out. Maybe take a trip to Belhelmel one day and like, have a couple pints. Rinoa wants to be with you as you, not as the commander."

"…"

Thinking that this was as good a time as any to get up, Zell did exactly that. Angelo, who had been waiting patiently for him, stood and padded over to his side. "On that note, Squall, I'm gonna get going. I'll talk to you later, right?"

"Yeah, sure," he replied halfheartedly. "Say, Zell… Does Rinoa confide in you about all of this stuff?"

"Sometimes. I mean, I probably don't know everything - there's gotta be some stuff that she's told Selphie and Quisty and not me. But she knows that if she says anything to me, I won't go gossip around." Zell tried to smile to loosen the tension in the air. "This isn't considered gossiping, is it?"

Squall genuinely smiled, which put Zell at ease. "I don't think so. At least I hope not. But thanks for talking to me about it all the same."

The blonde grinned and waved as he walked off, Angelo following along after him. "Don't mention it, Squall! I'll see you around!"

All of a sudden, as much as he wanted to, visiting Rinoa in the infirmary didn't seem like the best thing to do at the moment.

* * *

Luckily for Zell, Selphie wasn't much of a night owl and even on the weekends could be found out and about in the morning. He decided to stop by the cafeteria to get breakfast and found her, along with Quistis and Irvine, seated together at a round table in the corner. At the sight of his friends he wasn't very hungry anymore and headed over to snag the last seat at their table.

"Howdy stranger," Irvine greeted him with a tip of his cowboy hat. "Isn't there some kind of rule against Angelo walking around with you? And better yet, shouldn't he be with Squall?"

"I think they made an exception for Angelo, actually," Quistis pointed out. "Considering all that Rinoa's been through in the past several years, he's probably a great comfort to have around."

The dog sensed that he was being talked about and laid his head on Irvine's lap in order to gain approval. Fortunately, Irvine was a fan of dogs and gave Angelo a friendly scratch behind the ears.

"I just had the most awkward conversation that I think I've ever had in my life…" Zell said, almost to no one. He was staring at the table as he said it, and if Selphie wasn't trying to meet his gaze surely no one would have thought he was serious.

"What do you mean?" Selphie inquired. "How did your visit with Rinoa go this morning?"

"Never got there," Zell said. "I found Squall in the hallway and got sidetracked with talking to him."

Quistis took a sip of her coffee. "What would possibly be so awkward about that?"

Zell shook his head. "You have no idea. He kept asking me about Rinoa and their relationship."

"Jeez, that _is _awkward… Awkward to even think about," Irvine said to no one in particular.

The blonde young man went on. "Hyne, I don't know what to say to him about making their relationship work. Tch, I don't even _have _a relationship, so how could I give good advice? I just know that Rin's unhappy and she wishes that he'd spend more time with her. That's all."

"That's probably more than what she ever told him," Selphie said, frowning slightly. "I noticed that Rinny likes to tell you a lot of stuff that she won't even mention to me, or Quisty, or even Squall."

"Really?" Now it was Zell's turn to be surprised.

"Yeah! She really trusts you, Zelly!" The perky brunette quickly turned her frown upside down. "You guys are awesome buddies! I just wonder whether or not it'll get in the way of her and Squall."

Irvine raised his eyebrows. "Whaddya mean? Zell and Rinoa? No offense Zell, but I don't think that them being friends is a threat to hers and Squall's being, you know…lovey dovey and stuff."

"None taken…" Zell muttered.

"You don't think that Squall feels weird if his own girlfriend isn't telling him stuff he needs to hear?" Selphie asked Irvine. Quistis could sense an argument on the horizon; she took her cup of coffee, patted Zell on the shoulder, and left the cafeteria. "So you're saying you wouldn't be mad if I told Zell that you were a horrible kisser and I wish you wouldn't open your mouth so wide?"

"WHAT?!" Irvine slapped his hands on the table. "Are you nuts? Why the hell would you ever mention that to Zell?! Zell, don't listen to her - I'm a wonderful kisser. Seffie just doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that she uses too much tongue!"

"I DO NOT!" Selphie stood up. "And anyway, even if I did, at least I don't kiss like Angelo!"

Zell's blue eyes were opened wide at the situation before him. "OK…this is _way _too much information for me to handle. Ever. I'm out." He looked over to Angelo, who had made his way over to the cafeteria ladies; they were feeding him leftover pieces of hot dog. "Angelo!"

He couldn't have made his way out of that cafeteria fast enough - Irvine's and Selphie's voices carried all the way out into the corridors. Clearly, he would have to ask either Irvine or Selphie for advice on the situation when they were separated… Any more discussion about kissing habits would have been too much for him to bear.

"Well, Angelo - looks like it's going to be me and you for a bit today! Unless you wanna go back with Squall… But I figure we could go play ball or something, right? Or we could go see Ma!"

_I would take you to go see Rin, but I think I should probably just lay low for awhile. I don't want Squall to think I'm stepping on his toes anymore than I probably am with being so close to her… Plus, I'm not doing myself any favors by being around._

Zell could feel the emotions that he had once suppressed so well begin to take hold once more. He couldn't see Rinoa…at least not for a little while.


	4. Warning Sign

**"Life Long Forgotten"**

By: _fluffy pantoufle_

A/N: Greetings! As you have undoubtedly noticed, I'm updating this story after many, many months of hiatus. I'm trying to remember where exactly I was going with the plot - please forgive me if it seems a little rough around the edges at points! Also, please review and let me know what you think!

* * *

After the less than comfortable discussion Zell shared with Squall, the young blonde decided that it would be best to fly under the radar for awhile. Despite the swell of emotion that he was coping with, Zell's respect for his best friend was paramount. Squall seemed to have taken their conversation seriously; Rinoa meant more to the Commander than he was ready to admit. The words they shared were awkward, yes - but for Squall it was yet another step in the right direction. Learning to become less guarded was something Squall had been trying to work on since he met Rinoa. If there was any silver lining to her accident, it would be his further willingness to open up.

_Maybe he'll take what I said and really try to make her happy now… _Zell couldn't help but be happy for Squall and Rinoa. If Squall actually made the attempt to be with her more often, Rinoa wouldn't feel as out of place as she used to. On more than one occasion she had confided in Zell about her loneliness. He tried to understand how she felt, wanted to make her smile… But it was hard. It was only several weeks ago that they shared one particular discussion that stood out in his mind.

"I've never had a girlfriend… I'm probably bad to try and relate to," he said. He and Rinoa were laying on the floor of his dorm room. Angelo was curled up, snoring softly next to Rinoa's feet. Rinoa was laying flat on her back and staring at the ceiling, balancing a yellow coffee mug on her abdomen. Zell was sprawled out on his stomach, resting the side of his face on his hands. As a result, his words came out sounding slightly muffled. "Maybe you can say I've been lonely my whole life."

"No, that's not true," Rinoa disagreed. "You were at the orphanage and had the others as friends even when you were little. I never really had friends…everyone here at Garden are the closest friends I've ever had." She sighed softly. "But even now, you guys have a bond that I still feel like I'll never share. It's so weird."

Zell raised his head so that he was resting his chin on his hands. As he spoke, his head awkwardly bobbed up and down. "Aw, Rin! Don't be ridiculous. You get along fine with everybody. Life just wouldn't be the same without you here!"

She scoffed. "Try telling Squall that…" The raven-haired girl said in a quiet voice. Zell's ears pricked up at the comment. "He makes me feel like I don't even exist."

The sudden melancholy in her voice alarmed Zell. "I…I don't think that he'd do it on purpose. Rin. Squall's got a lot on his plate, is all. He's a busy guy."

Rinoa sat upright, placed her mug on the floor and turned to face Zell. She sat cross legged with a pensive expression on her face. It looked as if she didn't quite know how to word her thoughts. "Sometimes, though… I feel like I'd give anything to be with someone who had more time for me. That doesn't sound selfish, does it? I love Squall, but sometimes I just feel like the timing's off."

"What do you mean?"

She pursed her lips. "Hyne, maybe I shouldn't have said that."

Zell laughed, mainly to hide his uneasiness with what Rinoa was talking about. "Tch…I won't tell anyone, Rin. You know me."

"No, I know that. You're quite possibly the best friend I've ever had, Zell." Rinoa smiled, and for a brief moment the sadness in her tone disappeared. However, instead of making the young man feel more at ease, it only made him more uncomfortable.

_What am I supposed to do?_

Zell laid in bed after several days of doing his best to avoid Squall and the others. Angelo had almost become attached to him, his head resting atop Zell's shins. While the dog slept, Zell stared lazily out his window, watching the white clouds roll by. It hurt not seeing his friends, but he felt as if he didn't have much of a choice. Any talk of Rinoa, any mention of her name or her relationship with Squall… Well, Zell just didn't think he could handle it. Stopping the emotions before they could really start - that's what he was trying to accomplish.

_Rinoa needs to give Squall a chance. He really wants to do good by her. I'm just her friend…_

* * *

Meanwhile, Squall had already taken Rinoa from the watchful eye of Dr. Kadowaki. She had spent the last several days in bed; Squall told Headmaster Cid that he was taking several days off. Whatever she needed, he was there to take care of it. When she slept at night, she would sometimes awake to the sound of his quiet snoring, his arm draped delicately over her.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She whispered, stroking his hair with all the tenderness that she thought had been long gone. Commander Squall Leonhart was redeeming himself.

Rinoa couldn't help but wonder, though… What would happen when she was back to full health? Would Squall be capable of balancing his dual roles? Instead of feeling comfort, anxiety began to well up inside the young woman. She had forgotten how nice it was to have Squall around, to be able to feel his arms around her during the night. She had almost forgotten why she fell in love with him in the first place. The last thing Rinoa wanted to do was give this up until the next time she found herself in a near death situation.

"Squall?" Rinoa was sitting in bed, the forest green comforter wrapped around her shoulders like a cape. The color was beginning to creep back to her cheeks, and her eyes, much to Squall's delight, found their usual sparkle once again.

He was sitting on the floor, his back against the side of the bed as he read paperwork forwarded to him by Cid. When he heard Rinoa's voice, Squall immediately laid the papers down and turned to face her. "Yeah, Rin?"

"I just wanted to say…thank you." She smiled warmly at him, her hand reaching out to touch his. "You've been so good to me the past couple days. I love you."

"I love you too," he said, squeezing her hand in his own. "I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that you're all right. I was terrified."

"Oh, I bet! But you know me…stronger than I look, of course," she laughed, winking at him. Squall smiled and returned the laughter, not saying anything in return. Despite his taking care of her every need, Squall was still not as open about his affections as she. "Hey, Squall?"

"Yes?"

"What's going to happen…you know, when everything goes back to normal? I mean, I'm sure I'll be fine to take care of myself by the end of the week."

He raised a quizzical eyebrow. "Hm? I don't understand."

Rinoa lowered herself to the floor so that she was sitting next to Squall, bringing the comforter with her. She snuggled in close, so that he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she laid her head on his chest. "Well, I'm talking about when you have to go back to being Commander. I…I don't want to be forgotten."

"Rinoa, be serious."

"I _am _being serious! Squall, sometimes I feel like you're so busy with Garden that you just don't have time for me anymore." She paused for a moment, feeling the rise and fall of his chest hasten as she spoke. "I love you, but I feel like you don't love me as much."

The young woman feared that she struck a nerve. Squall loosened his grip on Rinoa and stood up. From this perspective - looking up from the floor - she saw him as a weary military commander, not the twenty-year-old young man that he actually was. The expression on his face was a tired one. "Rinoa…I know that you feel this way. And I'm sorry. I've been trying to change things."

"I know. I can tell you have, but -"

"No. Zell told me how you've been feeling, and I want to change that. You deserve so much more than what I've been giving you, Rinoa."

Now, it was Squall's turn to strike a nerve in Rinoa. She sat bolt upright, staring at him. "Zell told you about how I felt?" _He promised he'd never say a word. _

"Yeah," Squall nodded. "He wants the best for you, Rin. Just like I do. And I'm going to really try, I swear to it."

Rinoa was speechless. All she could do was stand and wrap her arms around Squall's waist, letting the blanket fall from her body. His warmth was all she needed at the moment. Or, rather, she was trying to convince herself that it was all she needed.

Very much like Zell, Rinoa Heartilly was attempting to come to terms with her own shift in emotions. _Zell wants the best for me… But whose to say that Squall is the best? _Her mind immediately chastised her heart. Of course this was the best! Squall loved her - he might not wear his heart on his sleeve, but he adored Rinoa.

However, something was amiss… There was a compatibility between herself and Zell that Rinoa could find nowhere else and absolutely could not deny. She laughed louder when they were together, she smiled wider… There was a lightness in her spirit that was missing without him.

_Zell wants the best for me. But what if the best is him? _


	5. Dead and Lovely

"Life Long Forgotten"

By: _fluffy pantoufle_

* * *

The day after Rinoa discovered that Zell confided in Squall, the raven-haired woman decided that she was well enough to take care of herself. As she suspected, Squall took her recovery as a sign that he could resume his duties as Commander. According to him, Balamb Garden required constant surveillance and care in order to run smoothly, even during peacetime. He kissed her as he did every morning, but also promised that he would be back at a reasonable hour in order to spend time with her. Rinoa nodded, kissed him again, and assured him that she would be waiting anxiously for his return.

_Waiting anxiously doesn't mean that I have to sit here all day…_

Excited to see her friends again, Rinoa quickly dressed in her usual outfit and made her way to the cafeteria. Surely Selphie and Quistis would be enjoying breakfast, with Irvine and Zell clowning around and subsequently setting the carefree mood of the day. A smile found its way to her lips even before she reached the cafeteria. Her stomach was also grumbling, hoping that Rinoa would at least have a bowl of cereal and a cup of coffee.

Clearly Rinoa was caught in a reverie, because just as she was about to turn into the cafeteria's entrance she almost bumped into another student. At first glance he was tall, with jet black hair and extremely pale features. He scrutinized her, raising an eyebrow as she apologized repeatedly.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking about my surroundings at all - normally I'm actually very careful, but I was just so excited -"

The young man finally smiled, lifting his arms as if in surrender. He still had an awkward expression painted onto his face as he spoke. "It's OK, you couldn't have hurt me if you tried. Why so excited?"

"I just…haven't seen my friends in a couple days. I've been sick, I guess you could say."

"You're the lightning girl, aren't you?"

"Yeah…Rinoa." She grinned, extending a friendly hand. However, she was surprised when he didn't reciprocate the action. "And you are?"

"Janquais." He said, his arms resting perfectly at his sides. Rinoa decided that she looked like an idiot with her arm outstretched, so she pulled her hand to her chest, as if she had just touched something too warm. "I'm sorry. I don't do handshakes."

"Germ-o-phobe?" Rinoa suggested, expecting him to laugh in response. It was surprising when he almost shrugged off the joke completely.

"Hyne, I wish." Janquais was emulating a very strange aura - there was no other way for Rinoa to describe the eerie feeling that had permeated her bones. All of a sudden, she felt very cold and wrapped her arms around her chest. Janquais noticed this and smiled, almost sympathetically. "Hey, Rinoa - I hope to see you around soon, all right? I hope you have a great time with your friends!"

"Thanks…" The woman couldn't quite understand why such a nice young man made her feel like running in the opposite direction. She turned to watch him walk away, perhaps guess as to where he was headed - but he was gone. "Strange…" Not even footsteps could be heard in the deserted corridor. Rinoa decided to think nothing of it and headed into the cafeteria.

"RINNY!" Selphie squealed the moment she saw her best friend enter the room. The bubbly brunette tore away from her seat in order to run up to Rinoa and give her an unnecessarily tight hug. "I'm so glad to see that you're all better! Oh, I was so worried about you!"

"Missed you too, Selph…" Rinoa choked out before being released by her friend. Luckily, Quistis's and Irvine's responses to Rinoa's return were less constricting. Quistis briefly wrapped her arm around Rinoa's shoulder - the blonde's own, less emotional form of a hug - and Irvine offered her one of his pancakes. Rinoa turned him down, instead breaking away from the table momentarily in order to get a mug of coffee and an apple.

"How were your days home from school, Rinnykins?" Irvine joked when she returned to the table.

"Delightful, as usual!" She responded, taking a tentative sip of her coffee to test the temperature. "Spent some quality time with Squall…it was nice. We needed it."

Selphie was furiously scraping the inside of an empty yogurt cup with her spoon as she spoke. "Yeah, Zell was saying something the other day about how Squall kept asking him about your relationship and stuff. It must've been really awkward for both of them, the way Zelly described it."

Quistis placed her face in her hands, realizing that Selphie probably shouldn't have mentioned anything that Zell said. Unfortunately, her interested had been diverted between Rinoa and that damned yogurt cup.

"Zell was talking to you guys about me too?" Rinoa asked quietly. Suddenly, all three pairs of eyes would not meet her gaze, no matter how hard she tried.

"I wouldn't say that he was _talking_ about you, per se," Irvine began. "He just mentioned that you were unhappy with Squall not spending enough time with you…or something."

"Oh…" Rinoa didn't quite know how to respond. _Can't deny the truth. _She decided to change the subject. "Hey, have any of you guys ever run into a guy named Janquais?"

Suddenly, Quistis's interest was piqued. "Janquais? As in, Janquais Cyncad?"

Rinoa shrugged. "I guess?"

"Nobody could have ever run into him… At least, none of us could have. Maybe Headmaster Cid has, a long time ago. You should ask him."

"Are you sure that there's no other Janquais that goes to Balamb Garden?"

"Do you think that that's just a common name?" Irvine inquired, half paying attention. His eyes were drawn to a voluptuous red-haired student several tables over. Selphie noticed this and threw her spoon at his head. "Aw, Seffie!"

Quistis and Rinoa ignored their squabble. "Rinoa, I'm absolutely positive that Cyncad isn't here."

"What the hell do you mean?"

The blonde woman's eyes narrowed, as if she couldn't believe that Rinoa didn't get the hint. "He's been dead for over twenty years. Cyncad died in the Fire Cavern probably around the same time that we were born."

"Quis… That can't possibly be true." Rinoa shook her head. "I just spoke to a guy right outside the cafeteria that said his name was Janquais."

"Did he give you a last name?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, I didn't even think to ask…"

Quistis shrugged, thoroughly baffled at Rinoa's claim. "I honestly don't know what to tell you, Rin. Perhaps I missed a student in Garden's records last time I checked? I don't believe that's possible though - I would have been notified if I missed distributing grades to a student."

"I don't know either…" Rinoa was about to give up the topic, when out of the corner of her eye she saw Janquais sitting at the same table as the red-haired girl Irvine was gawking at. They seemed not to be paying attention to one another, as the girl had her nose buried in a magazine. Janquais was studying the girl intently, drumming his fingertips on the table. However, when he noticed Rinoa staring at him, he frowned. "Quistis, look over there."

"Over where?" Quistis turned her head to the redhead's table, prompting Selphie to sigh dramatically.

"Hyne! Is that girl some sort of damned supermodel or something?!" Selphie exclaimed.

"He's sitting there, I swear it!" Rinoa said to Quistis, although at this point both Irvine and Selphie were intrigued. Janquais was staring at Rinoa with an incredulous look on his face. "He's got to be friends with that girl…but I don't know why they aren't speaking to one another."

"Maybe because there's no one there?" Irvine asked innocently.

Rinoa looked at him, shocked. "Are you blind? Of course there is! See for yourself!"

"Rin, I'm lookin', and I don't see a damned thing other than that girl and her magazine. There's no guy there." Irvine even took his hat off in an effort to see if it would make a difference, but to no avail. "Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yes! I'm fine!"

Selphie had gotten over her jealousy of the redhead and was now staring at Rinoa, worried. "Should we take you to Dr. Kadowaki, Rinoa? Maybe your eyes are still all sorts of fuzzy from the lightning…"

Rinoa couldn't believe what she was hearing. As they doubted her, Janquais was getting up and walking out of the cafeteria. He even strode past their table - her head followed him as he made his exit. "Guys, I'm absolutely OK. I don't need a doctor." She jumped up from the table and resolved to follow him. "You'll see that I'm not lying to you." Neither Quistis, Irvine, or Selphie had a chance to protest as Rinoa stormed out of the cafeteria.

The hallways were now bustling with Garden students anxious to make it to their morning classes. Rinoa weaved her way through the crowd, careful not to bump into anyone. However, she didn't anticipate tripping over her own pet dog…

"Ah!" Before she could fall to the ground, an unusually strong pair of arms grabbed and steadied her. Rinoa looked up into the eyes of her rescuer, only to see that the baby blues that stared back belonged to Zell Dincht. "ZELL!" She embraced her friend, the angry feelings in regards to him talking to Squall melting away. "I'm so happy to see you!"

He returned the hug, all the while carrying her to the side of the corridor so as to not impede foot traffic. "Rin, I had no idea that you were out and about! I've been missing ya!"

"Yeah, likewise…" She let go of him and crouched down to scratch Angelo behind the ears. He barked happily, glad to finally be reunited with his owner. "Say, you haven't seen a guy named Janquais running around Garden, have you?"

"Like, an impostor Janquais?" Zell cocked his head to the side. Clearly, everyone in Balamb Garden knew about this Cyncad fellow except for Rinoa. She sighed, turning away from Zell so she wouldn't scream in frustration - he didn't deserve her outburst. "What's going on, Rinoa? Can I help you?"

She stood with her hands on her hips, taking several deep breaths before she turned back to Zell. He had a frightened expression on his face, and he looked as if he were ready to pick her up and carry her to the doctor, if need be. That wasn't where she needed to go, though - not in the slightest.

"Wanna come with me to the library?"


	6. So Close

**"Life Long Forgotten"**

By: _fluffy pantoufle_

A/N: Hey, all! This is turning out to be a fun story for me to write, and hopefully I will get it done in a timely fashion - I've just graduated from college, after all! ^-^ (Funny to think that I've been writing Zinoas for **9 years **now! Jeez!) Therefore, at least until I manage to find a lucrative job, I can dedicate a reasonable amount of time to fleshing out this adventure that I began last summer! (With the economy the way it is, I'll probably have enough time to write this ten times over, hahaha!)  
That being said, read - enjoy - and provide some feedback! I'd love to know if I can convert any _Squinoa _fans out there into _Zinoas_!

* * *

Rinoa and Zell had spent a good portion of the morning scouring the library for any sign of Janquais Cyncad and his relation to Balamb Garden. Books were scattered across a table towards the back of the library, flipped open to various pages; Rinoa had taken the liberty to dog-ear sections she wanted to return to, regardless of the library staff frowning upon such frivolous treatment of materials. Angelo slept soundly beneath the table, snuffling every now and then in his slumber to remind them of his presence. Rinoa sat on the floor in one of the aisles, a book opened in her lap. Zell sat across from her, waiting patiently to see if she had discovered anything new.

Of course, that wasn't the only thing Zell was doing. He found that he derived a great deal of pleasure from watching Rinoa read. Her dark hair hung in her eyes as she scrupulously examined each page, sometimes fluttering from the index to the table of contents and back again. The blonde smiled as she smiled, knowing that she found a piece of information that could potentially be useful in solving this mystery. Little did Rinoa know that she was at her most beautiful while deep in thought, or at least this is what Zell believed.

"What's the verdict, Rin?" He inquired, wanting to break her attention from her current book so that he could catch a glimpse of her lovely brown eyes. _Get a hold of yourself, Zell… Turned on by girls and books. Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "hooked on phonics"…_

Rinoa shrugged. "These books just keep saying the same thing over and over. Janquais Cyncad died in the Fire Cavern twenty years ago. He lived in Balamb… Garden hadn't even been created yet." She closed the book and clasped her hands on top of it as she spoke. "Apparently he was the first human to ever be ballsy enough to explore it, and from what I can gather, he was also the first to meet Ifrit."

Zell's eyes widened. "No way!"

"Yeah…" She trailed off, then began to stand up so that she could put the book away. "I guess Ifrit thought he was just an intruder."

"Would that be why no one ever found his body?" He asked. Zell had read the bits of the books that Rinoa left on the table. She smiled at his dedication to her mystery - no one else would have come to the library to support her insanity. "Ifrit must have beaten him real good."

The raven-haired girl looked down at Zell and nodded. Sitting on the floor cross-legged, Zell looked like a grade-schooler ready for his lesson. She internally smiled at the inquisitive look on his face - sheer innocence compared to their peers, particularly the other guys. When everyone else thought she was losing her mind, he was willing to help her sort things out… And he looked good while doing it, too.

_Oh, Hyne, please forget about that…_

Rinoa couldn't deny to herself the fact that she found Zell to be extremely attractive. He retained a boyish, youthful quality about himself that the other guys she knew were trying to get rid of. The blonde man was getting better at being mature every day, but never forgot about being carefree, being playful. That trait, along with his muscular frame and charismatic facial features, naturally made him alluring to many of the females at Balamb. The funny thing was, Zell just didn't seem to be interested in any of them. At one point following the defeat of Ultimecia, he and the library girl had a "fling," but it was extremely short-lived. Both of them were too shy to admit to one another what they actually wanted out of a relationship. Zell needed someone a little more assertive, a girl that could be honest and up front about her desires…

"Rinoa? Everything OK?"

"Oh!" She shook her head, releasing herself from her reverie. The girl hadn't realized she was staring at Zell this whole time, making him feel somewhat uneasy. "Yeah, I just…zoned out for a second. Sorry."

He stood up to face her - the height difference between Zell and Rinoa was only several inches, so they gazed at one another eye to eye. "Well, if you aren't feeling good, lemme know…"

For the first time in the history of their friendship, neither the blonde nor the brunette had words. While they each had a vague idea of what the other was thinking, they weren't ready to admit it to themselves. Had Zell given up on trying to build a wall around his feelings for Rinoa? Was she willing to succumb to the strange attraction that she felt welling up inside her?

"Zell, I…" Nothing intelligible could find its way to Rinoa's lips. She stood with her mouth agape for a moment, trying to come up with something that didn't make her sound like a complete idiot. Instead, she broke her gaze with him and stared at the pattern on the carpet.

Zell felt a fire burn in his cheeks and was surprised that Rinoa wasn't as crimson as he. Embarrassed, he turned and headed further down the aisle, so that no one in the library could witness this awkward scene. Little did he know that save for the library employee at the front desk, the room was pretty much deserted. "Tch…"

Rinoa looked up to see that Zell was standing with his back facing her - turning beet red, no doubt. A smile turned her lips slightly upwards. "Are you the one that isn't feeling good, Zell?" She asked softly. His awkwardness made this scene amusing, despite the fact that she could feel the pace of her heartbeat quicken as well.

"Nah… I'm iight," Zell responded, reverting back to the dialect Rinoa knew he was working on changing. "Just a little, uh…"

"Red?"

"No!" He looked at her from over his shoulder, but she could see his flushed cheeks and began to laugh. Surely he must have blushed even deeper from her reaction, because he crossed his arms over his chest and didn't budge. "Aw, Rin! Knock it off!"

"I'm sorry, Zell…" Rinoa said, all the while trying to gain her composure. "I don't want you to get all uncomfortable and such. You've been awesome this morning, helping me go through all of these books. No one else would have done that for me."

"No prob…"

Zell gasped as he suddenly felt a pair of slender arms wrap themselves around his waist from behind. Rinoa laid her head against his back and squeezed his midsection, refusing to let him go. He could feel her quiet breathing, and smelled a light floral fragrance that undoubtedly was coming from her skin. Instead of trying to wriggle free, Zell simply reached to hold her hands in his. Neither one of them tried to think much of the hug, although at the same time they both felt their respective temperatures rise. They stayed in this position for several moments, reveling in the warmth of human contact that they'd both been missing for awhile. It wasn't until they heard footsteps headed in their direction that they sprung apart, staring at each other incredulously.

"There you guys are!" It was Selphie, cheerful as always. "I had a feeling you'd be here, Rinny! Find anything out about Janquais?" She looked from Rinoa to Zell, and quickly picked up on the fact that something wasn't right. The perky girl cocked her head to the side, confused. "…top secret information?"

"You could say that," Zell managed to squeak out before nodding to Selphie and exiting the library.

Selphie stood wide-eyed for a moment. "Whoa. What got into him?"

"I, uh…" Rinoa stuttered, trying to formulate a sentence that wouldn't make Selphie question the situation beyond what she already had. However, harboring information from Selphie Tilmitt was one of the most futile things a person could do, so Rinoa decided it best to just tell her what happened. "Zell and I hugged."

To her surprise, Selphie just chuckled. "You hugged Zelly? Really? The way you both were staring at one another, I'd have thought something a lot more scandalous than hugging went down!"

Rinoa laughed, rather awkwardly at that. "No…that was it."

At this point, Angelo was roused from his slumber and nudged Selphie to pet him, which she happily obliged to do. "Rinny, do me a favor and don't go giving him the wrong idea about things, all right?"

"What do you mean?" The raven-haired girl was confused at Selphie's sudden protection of Zell.

"Well…it's no secret, really." When Angelo had gotten satisfactory attention, Selphie stood and rearranged her yellow dress. "Zell's got feelings for you - I know, even though he won't admit it. I just don't want either of you getting hurt! You're both my buddies too, you know?"

_Wait…what? Zell _likes _me? _"Selphie, you've got to be making this all up. Zell doesn't feel that way. He knows about Squall and I…"

"So do you!" She cried. Just then, however, the library employee at the front desk hushed them, as several more people had entered the library after Zell left. Selphie rolled her eyes at him, then dragged Rinoa into the aisle. "Rin, it's bound to happen at some point or another that either you or Zell might…you know."

"No, I don't know what you're trying to say." Rinoa raised a quizzical eyebrow at her friend, feigning ignorance to her statement.

"Look…well… You and Squall are trying to make things work, right? Maybe you should be spending more time with him and not so much with Zell."

"Selphie!" Rinoa exclaimed, shocked that she'd even allude to her relationship with Squall. "Zell just offered to help me go through these books because you guys all thought I was nuts. There was nothing bad going on, I'm telling you! He was just helping me out."

"All right, all right," Selphie shrugged. "I just care about you guys, you know? And you know that if you need someone to talk to, I'll always be here for ya!"

She couldn't be upset with Selphie - she knew the lively brunette just wanted to see everyone happy. Selphie also had a soft spot for Zell Dincht, especially because he never seemed to be in a requited love affair. Rinoa and Squall had been together for several years now, as were Selphie and Irvine. Quistis was currently dealing with romantic advances by Seifer Almasy, and while they were odd, they were not unwelcome. Not only did Zell's relationship with the library girl fizzle, but he also had a habit of falling for unattainable girls. Perhaps he didn't feel as confident as other guys his age, but Zell almost always set himself up for failure before he could even try. Because of this, the others ended up being somewhat protective of his heart during times when he wasn't.

_Am I just another one of his unreachable crushes? _Rinoa wondered. She smiled at Selphie. "I know, Selph. And I appreciate it - you know that."

The perky girl grinned back, her emerald eyes sparkling. "I do! But anyway, back to Janquais. Anything new?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, nothing out of the ordinary. I might ask the Headmaster about it…or maybe go to Balamb. Apparently Cyncad lived there for most of his life."

"Excellent! I'll go with you, if you'd like!"

"Great! Thanks, Selphie."

The girls embraced, happy that they had stumbled upon a weekend adventure. Rinoa hadn't done any type of sleuthing in awhile - this Janquais character truly piqued her interest. If for some reason she was going crazy, she wanted to know why it happened to be this man that was making her lose her mind, and why his soul wasn't at rest. It all just seemed so strange - on top of sorceress powers, now Rinoa Heartilly potentially had the powers to see and speak with the dead.

_Just great._


	7. Each Coming Night

"Life Long Forgotten"

_By: **fluffy pantoufle**_

A/N: Ah! It's been awhile since I've updated a fan fiction with such frequency, but I keep getting ideas as to the direction I want to take the plot and it's exciting! Also, I'm getting ideas for new fan fictions that I'm dying to work on, but I'd like to at least get LLF near completion first. However, this has the potential to take awhile, as each of my chapters are only about 4 word processed pages a piece. The next couple are going to pertain more to the developing Zell/Rinoa relationship and the deteriorating Squall/Rinoa one… I plan to kick it up a notch - or several - so stay tuned if you've been reading!

Oh! And I am not one to beg for reviews or anything, but I see that this story's getting hits, but nearly no reviews! Love it, hate it - God, I don't care! I appreciate feedback of all kinds!

* * *

After his pseudo-sensual exploits in the library, Zell Dincht spent the remainder of the day in an odd sort of haze. He went to his classes, performed his daily tasks, but he did everything with the mental capacity of a zombie. Irvine noticed his friend's personality malfunction and took to following him around in an effort to discover his problems. He feared that asking him outright would prompt an even stranger response from Zell; the cowboy figured that he would give him more than a day before such an inquiry was given. He suspected that it had something to do with a girl, because the last time Zell acted so peculiar was when the library girl - in a bold move, Irvine had to admit - attempted to tarnish what was otherwise considered a fairly chaste relationship. No one got the whole story - Zell alluded that it might have had something to do with a whip that the library girl may or may not have stolen from Quistis. Nevertheless, two weeks later Zell was a single man… And Quistis was asking her classes where her Save the Queen had gone to.

_That vanilla bastard, _Irvine mused.

Being that Zell was the only one of the orphans to have grown up in a proper household, he assumed that Ma Dincht strived to make her son an upstanding gentleman. She succeeded, and perhaps went above and beyond in her plight.

Meanwhile, Rinoa returned to her dorm room with Angelo and prepared herself for her trip to Balamb with Selphie. They decided that there was copious amounts of researching to be done, but also a little fun - a night at Belhelmel would be a great way to conclude a day of exploration. With that in mind, Rinoa made sure she packed her little black dress and heels in her duffel bag. She tried to think of the last time that she had gone out and deduced that it must have been the night of Zell's birthday.

That was the night that she had fought with Squall, not only because he refused to go out but also because he wasn't thrilled with the idea of Rinoa going out without him. His protective nature sometimes made him exasperating, especially when it came to acting like a normal teenager. Internationally, the drinking age was only 18 - a delight for most of Garden's students, sans Squall. She appreciated his concern for her welfare, but wondered whether or not he trusted her after she had a couple of drinks.

_Hyne, there's nothing for him to ever worry about… I can take care of myself. _

When Squall came back to the room that night, Rinoa had finished packing her bag and was excited to see him. She opened the door and greeted him with a flurry of kisses. "Squall! Wait until you hear what I have to tell you!"

He smiled, placing his bag down next to the door and closed it. "Yeah, I'm curious - I was talking to Quistis earlier and she said that you were talking about Janquais Cyncad."

Rinoa nodded. "I saw him, Squall. We had a conversation… It was the weirdest thing. He wouldn't give me a handshake when I introduced myself."

Squall raised an eyebrow. "And you're absolutely sure of this?" At least he was bothering to entertain her crazy notions. Whether or not he was pretending to believe her was up for debate.

"Positive." The raven-haired woman sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her, inviting Squall to sit as well. "Although Quistis was telling me that apparently he died twenty years ago in the Fire Cavern. I did a lot of reading in the library and decided that the best way to get to the bottom of this is to go to Balamb. Selphie and I plan on going tomorrow to see if we can come up with anything that isn't in the books." Rinoa neglected to mention that Zell was there with her, but clearly Squall hadn't caught wind of that.

"Oh…" He ran a hand through his chocolate brown hair. "But Rin, what do you have to get to the bottom of? You know Cyncad is dead. Perhaps seeing him was just a side effect of the lightning? Maybe you saw his picture somewhere or something and your mind made up this image…"

She shook her head furiously. "No! We spoke to one another, and then I saw him in the cafeteria! There has to be a reason why he's around here, especially if he died before Garden was even built. He lived in Balamb…maybe something happened to him there that's keeping his soul from being at rest."

"That's crazy."

Rinoa sighed - Squall was more interested in filing this experience under "crazy talk" and never hearing of it again. It was irrational and couldn't mix with his tangible duties as Commander. She had a feeling that he would react in this manner. Squall liked what was rational and easy to comprehend. It was safe. Of course, she couldn't blame him for this, but was irritated at the fact that he wouldn't even seem to suspend reality for a moment.

"Well, Selphie and I are still going to go, and even if don't figure anything out we'll at least have a girl's day out, right?" She smiled, trying to salvage the conversation in some way.

"Yeah…" Squall reciprocated the smile before he stood, stretching his arms above his head. "I'm going to take a shower, Rin. This day has just been far too long. Nida was driving me nuts."

"Oh. Well, you go and do that." She watched as he grabbed a towel and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Angelo, who had been curled up on the foot of their bed, whimpered softly in Rinoa's direction.

Sometimes she felt as if she knew Squall so well, and despite the fact that she could predict his every statement was surprised at his reactions. Why couldn't he just once feign excitement for her seemingly "crazy" life experiences? At the very least, he didn't outright condemn them like Quistis and Irvine seemed to. Selphie was lending her support in order to solve the mystery, whether or not she actually believed Rinoa. And Zell…well, he didn't question her at all. He just wanted to help.

_Good old Zell… _Rinoa grinned to herself, hugging her knees to her chest. Thinking about the hug they shared earlier almost made her feel a little bit impish, especially after replaying in her mind Zell's reaction. She hadn't seen him for the rest of the day and wondered what he was up to. In a strange way, Rinoa was proud of the fact that she could still make a guy act that way - Squall was typically so reticent when it came to seduction and sometimes didn't even realize it was happening. She wasn't even _trying _to seduce Zell and inadvertently succeeded.

With her thoughts repeating themselves over and over in her brain, Rinoa slipped into bed that night with a guilty smile on her face.

* * *

Irvine invited Zell over to his room that night for dinner and some TV. He didn't want his friend to traipse around all day like a member of the zombie horde and hoped that some male bonding time would snap the blonde out of it. More than that, Irvine was curious to see if he could coax some information out of Zell as to why he was acting so strangely.

However, Irvine wasn't expecting Selphie to be so goddamned perky - even more so than usual. She split her time between her own room and Irvine's, and for some reason or another decided to do her packing whilst spending company with the boys. Neither of them minded; they had gotten so used to Selphie's personality that it was easy to tune out. After awhile, despite his best efforts, Irvine found his girlfriend's most annoying traits to be ridiculously endearing. He claimed it was some sort of spell that only she knew the draw point for.

While she was throwing her clothes in a bright pink duffel bag, Irvine and Zell were sprawled out on the couch, flipping through TV stations. They landed on a program that detailed one man's seemingly suicidal wish to live amongst the T-Rexaurs of the Great Salt Lake. Soon enough, both young men were chuckling at the TV screen.

"What a lunatic," Zell muttered, expressing more emotion than he did all day.

"Yeah, man…" Irvine said in agreement. "Why you'd ever wanna do that, I have no idea."

"I think baby T-Rexaurs would probably be awfully cuddly!" Selphie remarked from the bedroom. Silence ensued for several moments afterwards. "…you don't think so, Irvy?"

"Not really, Seffie baby."

Zell rolled his eyes at their pet names for one another. He couldn't understand why couples called each other by anything other than their actual names. Not only that, but he noticed that despite their personalities and occupations, Irvine and Selphie always adhered to pretty specific roles in their relationship. Irvine was the man - and sometimes hyper-masculine, what with all of his flirtatious behavior that never seemed to end. Selphie, on the other hand, was female through and through. She used to be jealous of Irvine's roving eye, but eventually accepted it when she felt that it was only part of his sharpshooter "show." Now, she only acknowledged it half-heartedly - as a joke more than anything else.

The blonde man never quite understood that either - he always wanted his girlfriend to be on equal playing field with him. He wanted to defy traditions. He wanted her to challenge him. It just seemed to him like that would be the only way for a relationship to really survive. Luckily - at least for Selphie and Irvine - there was enough challenge in their romance that every day was an exciting one. However, Zell felt that most of their trials ended up with an empty bottle of booze and clothes thrown on the floor. While appealing, Zell didn't want his relationship to end up like that, lest he recall his last week dating the library girl. That was a little bit too much for him - after all, he wanted challenge, but was still trying to figure out how a relationship actually _worked. _

While he and Irvine continued to watch the idiot on TV try and confront a herd of T-Rexaurs, Zell thought about Squall and Rinoa. In particular, he thought about the most recent inauguration ball for new SeeD cadets. All members of SeeD were required to attend. Zell recalled sitting at a table, listening to the sprightly waltzes and watching Squall and Rinoa mingle with the guests. He noticed that especially when talking to people of importance, Rinoa would almost become a prop in the conversation rather than an actual participant; it was the only time Squall ever spoke at length.

_Of course - being Commander means having to be a schmooze at times, I guess. _

Zell didn't think it happened on purpose, but he couldn't figure out why Rinoa always put up with it. He knew that she never worried about questioning him if something was wrong. The one argument between Zell and Rinoa actually occurred because he ignored her for the library girl. Hyne, he didn't hear the end of that for three days.

"…did you hear that, Zell?"

"Eh?"

Irvine jabbed Zell in the shoulder. "Wanna meet up with the girls in Balamb tomorrow? They're goin' to Belhelmel! Could always stand to have a couple drinks, right?"

"Yeah, sure…" He laughed weakly. Irvine raised an eyebrow, confused by his reaction. "It'll be fun! I'm in."

"Good! That's the Dincht I wanna hang out with." The cowboy grinned, although it was clear that he still couldn't figure out Zell's issues.

_Oh yeah, Irvine - I forgot to tell you that booze, Rinoa, and ME in the same place probably isn't the greatest combo. Not that anything's gonna happen, of course… I bet she thinks I'm about as loony as this T-Rexaur guy after this morning._

_

* * *

_

(Nothing'll happen, eh? That's what Zellykins thinks! Not if I have anything to do with it... Bahaha ;-D Stay tuned for not only more Zell/Rinoa, but the "supernatural" element of the story to really kick in!)


	8. Blame It On the Alcohol

"Life Long Forgotten"

By: **_fluffy pantoufle_**

A/N: I can't help but realize how much of a life I **DON'T** have when I keep uploading chapters to this fanfiction like it's my job. I've been having trouble sleeping, so I feel like the writing at least gives me something to do...either that, or it's become the reason I stay up late. Oh, well. I start working in a couple weeks and will surely slow down in writing this, so enjoy the frequency while you can!

This is a much longer chapter than the previous seven. ^_^ I don't know if I'm particularly thrilled with the way it came out, so revision might be necessary... I wanted the end to be a little bit, well... I don't want to spoil the surprise! You read it, and then tell me what you think. OK? Awesome.

_

* * *

  
_

Rinoa's and Selphie's trip to Balamb had, much to their chagrin, been an uneventful one. Despite the fact that they had asked around in almost every shop, store, and station, no one knew or was willing to divulge any information about Janquais Cyncad. The girls were starting to wonder if perhaps he wasn't liked by the people of Balamb - it seemed to be a possibility from the reactions his name brought up.

"He didn't seem like such a terrible person, though," Rinoa said, confused. She and Selphie were sitting on a bench facing the harbor. Selphie was listening while drinking a coffee that she purchased at the last shop they visited. Rinoa tried to warn her against caffeine consumption - Selphie would turn into a regular percolator even after the smallest cup. However, the brunette maintained that they both had to be ready for Belhelmel later that evening.

"Rinny, don't worry about it!" Selphie said, grinning. "Perhaps if you, well…_see _him again, you can ask him what's up. And in the meantime, just worry about the awesome time we're gonna have tonight!"

The black-haired beauty smiled; they both couldn't help but be excited about a night on the town. Belhelmel was constructed several years ago, almost right after the defeat of Ultimecia. Balamb Town had always been quiet, catering to the needs of older couples and fishermen. However, with the success of Squall and the others, the townspeople decided that they should better incorporate Balamb Garden into their lifestyle. Belhelmel certainly wasn't as posh as the clubs found in Deling City, but it was bustling enough to foster a good time for Garden cadets. It was the weekend, and typically the owners of Belhelmel found a DJ to play music that was popular amongst the club goers of Deling or Esthar.

Not only that, but Selphie took the liberty of renting a room in the luxurious Balamb Hotel. She didn't want to concern herself with trying to get back to Garden after a couple of drinks, especially since they drove a buggy.

"Hey!" Rinoa suddenly came up with an idea and turned to Selphie. "Do you think we should ask Zell's mom if she knows anything about Cyncad? I'm pretty sure she must have been living here at about the same time as him - she'd probably know _something!_"

Selphie shrugged and took a long sip of her coffee before speaking. "If you want to, Rinny. I'm kinda turned off by the way people have been treating us all day. I wouldn't want to make an enemy of Ma Dincht because we're curious about Janquais, y'know? Apparently he's a touchy subject."

Rinoa could tell that her friend had given up the search and was now fixating herself on the evening ahead. In a way, she couldn't blame her for feeling that way. They had spent a good chunk of the day being shut down again and again. "OK…I can probably ask her some other time. Maybe we should go check in to the hotel now. We'll have some time to shower and get ready for tonight!"

"Booyaka!" Selphie grinned. "Let's do it!"

* * *

Back at Garden, Irvine was hurrying Zell through the process of getting ready to go out. The cowboy noticed that his friend was in better spirits today, although rather skittish. Any mention of Selphie and Rinoa prompted Zell to laugh nervously, wring his hands, and generally project feelings of terror, as if they were going to a school dance. However, Irvine couldn't figure out why Zell was so anxious - call him oblivious, if you must.

The brunette was adjusting his hat in the mirror before he began to speak. He couldn't quite figure out whether or not he wanted to wear it as he normally did, or lower the brim over his eyes in order to project a more mysterious vibe. Either way, Selphie was going to make fun of him for wearing his hat out on a Saturday night. "Zell, you ready for this? It's gonna be a great time, I know it!"

"Um…yeah. It's gonna be." The blonde was sitting on the couch, hands clasped together in his lap. His head was back and his eyes were fixated on the ceiling. He had been showered and ready to go for about an hour now, wearing simply his black tee and blue jeans. Zell felt as if all the blood coursing through his veins was replaced with currents of electricity. Of course, he knew deep down that what had happened between himself and Rinoa wasn't _that _big of a deal - he just didn't know how to react other than awkwardly.

Irvine broke away from his reflection for a moment to take a good look at Zell. "Are you OK, Dincht?" He broke into a cheeky grin. "Did Amaris chase you with Quisty's whip again?"

"What?!" Zell's eyes widened. "Oh, Hyne no! Don't even remind me of that!"

"OK!" Irvine raised his hands in surrender. "Just curious! I mean, the last time you acted like this was when Amaris was…well, amorous."

The blonde shook his head furiously. "No, no, nothing like that."

"Well then, what's up?"

"…"

The cowboy raised an eyebrow. "Are you just not gonna tell me?" When Zell didn't say anything, Irvine returned to primping in the mirror. "Don't worry, I'll get it out of ya after a couple of drinks, Dincht."

Zell sighed. At the moment, he was a hodgepodge of conflicting emotions in regard to the upcoming evening. He wanted to go out, have a drink or two, and forget about the awkwardness that was his life. However, Irvine was now going to attempt to pry information from him about his anxiety. Moreover, with Selphie and Rinoa there, Zell was going to be on edge whether or not he tried to relax. At the same time…he wanted to _see _Rinoa. Maybe not sit down and have a conversation with her, but if they could at least exchange momentary pleasantries and acknowledge that the embarrassing feelings could pass, Zell would feel much more at ease.

"You ready to go?" Irvine was already holding the door open for Zell to follow. He had a smile on his face, and when Zell got up to leave, the cowboy patted him on the back. "Whatever it is, Zell, just put it on the backburner. I'll make sure that you don't remember it in a couple of hours!"

* * *

The first thing Rinoa noticed when she walked into Belhelmel that night was the heavy scent of tobacco that hung in the air. Unfortunately, there was no ban on smoking indoors. Rinoa and Selphie sauntered through the fog to the bar to order their first drinks of the evening. Selphie held onto Rinoa's arm and giggled - they certainly were turning heads! Belhelmel was a bar in which Garden cadets mingled with the locals of Balamb; there was no particular dress code enforced, but the girls decided that putting on their finery would be a treat. Rinoa wore her favorite little black dress, a halter number that clung to her body in all the right places. Selphie chose a strapless green dress that exactly matched the color of her eyes.

"You look so much older in that color," Rinoa remarked to her friend as she sipped her Quetzalcoatl martini. It was true - when Selphie cast aside her canary yellow frock, she resembled every bit of the twenty years that she actually was. "I'm so jealous!"

Selphie rolled her eyes and had a taste of her own drink. She didn't know what to order, so the bartender recommended that she tried one of his specialties - a bright orange cocktail called a Yazoo. It had a light, citrus taste that cleverly disguised the liquors that made the beverage so potent. Much to everyone's surprise, however, Selphie had an unusually high tolerance for alcohol…yet another mystery to her personality. "Rin, don't be ridiculous! I'm sure you could pull off any kinda dress you'd like, if you only tried!"

The raven-haired woman smiled, her dark eyes sparkling despite the hazy atmosphere. "Yeah, but Squall really likes this dress. I think of him when I wear it."

At the mention of Squall's name, Selphie placed her drink on the bar and crossed her arms across her chest. "What's exactly up with you and Squall? I mean, if ya don't mind me asking!"

Surprised by Selphie's forwardness, Rinoa raised an eyebrow, a perplexed expression finding its way to her face. "Me and Squall?"

"Yeah!" Selphie's nose scrunched up as she thought of a way to convey her words. "Well, it just seems like you two are growing apart. And if that's how things are going to be, then that's just it, you know? I just…thought that of all of us, you guys would be the ones that stuck it out."

"I did too," Rinoa said almost immediately. Her eyes widened when she realized how quickly she said it - did she _agree _with Selphie? "What I meant was, uh…"

Selphie suddenly began to wave her arms. "Oh, Rin! We really don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. We're gonna have fun tonight, OK! No sad talk!"

Rinoa nodded, relieved not to be forced into discussing her relationship with Squall. "Good. I like that idea." She raised her glass and clinked it with Selphie. "To happiness!"

"Hah! I like it! To happiness!"

* * *

Several strong cocktails later, Rinoa and Selphie were sitting at the bar and talking a couple decibels louder than they were when they first entered. Rinoa had imbibed two martinis and was working on her third, but Selphie was the true showstopper of the evening. The bartender was stunned when he saw that she demanded a fourth Yazoo - he even gave it to her for free.

"Damn, girl - I've seen this drink lay grown men out on the dance floor!"

"No talking! Just hit me!" Selphie said, pounding her glass onto the bar. When he turned to concoct her drink, she turned to Rinoa and winked. "I always just kinda wanted to say that!"

Rinoa giggled, but noticed that she couldn't quite focus on Selphie's face the way she intended to. She also noticed that her cheeks were starting to go numb. It had been awhile since she had anything to drink and remembered that it was usually her face that started to lose feeling first. The girl was a lightweight through and through and knew that she needed to take a break after this martini, or else she was going to be in trouble.

"Oh! OH!" Selphie turned to face the door and began to wave both arms over her head. "Lookie who it is, Rinnykins! HI, IRVYYY!"

_Oh, no. _

Irvine and Zell walked in and immediately noticed Selphie's inebriation from the doorway. Zell was slightly alarmed - he couldn't recall a time where he saw Selphie drunk - but Irvine just chuckled. He was well aware of the amount of alcohol it took to knock his girlfriend out, and he wouldn't admit to any of his male friends that it was just as much as him, if not more so.

"ZELLYYYY!"

Suddenly, Zell's eyes found their way to Rinoa. He took note of the slightly glazed expression on her face - well on her way to drunk, no doubt. She looked absolutely gorgeous in her black dress, and the blonde felt as if someone cranked the heat up just at that moment. In contrast to the dress her skin almost glowed. "Wow…"

Irvine heard Zell's exclamation of wonder and curiously followed the path of his eyes to Rinoa Heartilly. _So THAT'S what Dincht's been worried about! _Pleased with his discovery, Irvine made his way to the bar. "Come on, Zell! First drink's on me!"

Zell snapped out of his fantasy and looked to Irvine. "Um…sure!" He felt his stomach tie into knots as he approached the bar. Normally, walking towards Rinoa made his heart skip a beat, but in a pleasant way - they were best friends, after all. This time, however, Zell thought he might go into cardiac arrest. In what lifetime did he ever deserve the right to come close to an angel?

"Hi, Zell!" Selphie exclaimed, greeting the blonde before even acknowledging her own boyfriend. She leapt off of her stool and wrapped her arms around Zell's neck before turning to face Irvine. "Hello, boy," She drawled, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him.

Before anyone could notice, Rinoa quickly took her martini and threw it back. In delicate sips the taste was tolerable, but when careening down her throat all at once, the drink showed no mercy. When she placed the glass back onto the bar, she saw that the bartender was staring at her with a blank expression on his face, obviously astounded. _If he only knew…_

"Rinny, want to do a shot with the guys?" Selphie asked, her arms wrapped around Irvine's waist. The cowboy was waving gil in the air, trying to get the bartender's attention.

"Four Mindblows?" Irvine asked once he got the bartender's attention.

"Oh, Hyne…" Rinoa touched her temples with her fingertips. Any drink called a Mindblow probably wasn't wise for her to consume.

"You OK?" Zell turned to Rinoa, placing a hand on her arm. He was surprised at how natural the motion felt, as if nothing had ever happened.

She felt his hand on her bare arm and the subsequent sparks that accompanied it. Her brown eyes searched to meet his, but her last martini wasn't going down without a fight. Surely, her neurons weren't going to be pleased with her actions in the morning. "Yeah…just gotta wonder why it's called a Mindblow, right?"

Zell smiled. "Something tells me I don't really want to know…"

"Here ya go!" Irvine handed Zell and Rinoa shot glasses filled with an eerily green liquid.

The blonde watched as Rinoa lifted her glass to eye level, studying the contents warily. He knew that she was drunk and more than likely, her scrutinizing the shot was just for show. "If you don't wanna do it, Rin…"

"Oh, would you?" She thrust the shot at Zell with a look of relief on her face.

"Sure! Gotta play catch up anyway, right?"

* * *

An hour and a half later, all four of the SeeDs were more or less, well…"hammered" would sum it up quite nicely. The bartender had taken it upon himself to start mixing their drinks with club soda instead of liquor and insisted that they were on the house. It was about one in the morning, and the DJ was in full force. Pulsating bass echoed through the bar, and Zell found it difficult to listen to the things that Rinoa was telling him.

"What?!" He repeated, leaning towards her. The foursome had since relocated from the bar to a table in the corner. Irvine and Selphie had excused themselves for a "cigarette break." Surprisingly, it never occurred to either Rinoa or Zell that Selphie didn't smoke. Not only that, but everyone was smoking indoors - why bother going outside?

Rinoa smiled and touched Zell's nose with her fingertip before leaning back in her chair. Her black dress had the faintest bit of sparkle in the fabric, its neckline dipped dangerously low, and he couldn't even get started on how much of her alabaster legs were visible… Hyne, she was smoldering. Zell wondered why no other guy was jumping over him to try and at least elicit a simple "hello" from her.

"Where's Selphie?" To her own ears, her words sounded perfectly articulated. To Zell, however, it sounded as if she wasn't even speaking English.

"I think…she was smoking Irvine's cigarette," he replied, trying to will himself sober.

She smiled at him, not quite hearing what he said but not wanting to admit it either. Some combination of synaptic firing, however, made Rinoa stand. "We should go look for them!" The young woman teetered on her heels. In the beginning of the night they were a phenomenal idea. Now, she was tempted to remove them from her feet and throw them across the bar. "Ugh. Hyne smite the bitch that decided women should walk around looking like they have a stick…up their ass."

Zell raised his eyebrows - Rinoa usually _never _swore. She must have had much more to drink than he imagined. "Wanna go outside?" He stood next to her and braced himself in case she decided to take a tumble. "Air, would be…delicious."

"I agree."

The duo made their way outside the bar and into the night air. It was crisp, but the breeze only made the outdoors feel uncomfortable, not refreshing. Irvine and Selphie were nowhere to be found. Zell took a deep breath and ran both his hands through his hair - the cold air felt like a sobering slap to the face. He never quite liked the feeling of getting too drunk. Being coherent before bed would be much better than falling asleep inebriated and having an even worse hangover.

Rinoa, on the other hand, leaned up against the side of the building and crossed her arms tightly across her chest. Her mind was absolutely spinning. She didn't bring a jacket, but didn't want to go back inside the bar. Zell was facing the harbor, giving her an opportunity to study the sturdy musculature of his shoulders and back. The young woman was convinced that she was the only person in Garden who acknowledged his appeal, whether or not she wanted to admit it herself.

"Zell?" Rinoa called out to him quietly.

He turned just in time to see the wind pull its invisible fingers through her black hair. Strands danced with the breeze across her face, and she smiled at him as they made eye contact. Zell's eyes also couldn't help but take notice of the mind-boggling effect that her arms had on her chest when they were wound so tightly across her ribcage.

"Are you cold, Rin?" Zell asked, stunned into submission by her very appearance. When she began to walk up to him, he felt like someone plugged his finger into an electric socket. She was the physical embodiment of a Mindblow, that was for sure. "I think I heard Irvine say that there's a hotel-"

"Do you honestly want to go to that hotel room right now?"

The blonde thought about that for a moment. Selphie and Irvine had been gone for awhile - not too long, but long enough that Rinoa and Zell would undoubtedly walk in on a rather precarious situation. He tentatively shook his head, still reeling from the alcohol. "Um…no?"

Rinoa smiled. Letting Zell into a bar felt like giving booze to a kindergartner. She couldn't understand how he managed to retain innocence, but be so damningly attractive at the same time. As if there were a crowd around them, Rinoa looked left, looked right, then took a step closer to the dazzling blonde. She wrapped her arms gingerly around his waist and leaned in so that her lips were centimeters away from his ear. A palpable shiver went down his spine. "Don't be so nervous, Zell."

"B-but, Rinoa…" His arms were at his sides, catatonic. "Squall -"

"Do good by me, Zell. Right now."

He froze. Rinoa pressed her cheek against his and inhaled softly. He could detect the familiar floral scent of her skin, the vanilla that must have been in her shampoo. She then touched her lips to his cheek, along his jawbone… When their lips finally touched it was brief, but enough to send Zell skyrocketing into the nighttime sky.

Their eyes met and she smiled slyly. "You all right?"

His arms suddenly found a mind of their own and encircled Rinoa into a warm embrace. "Couldn't be better."

Zell had forgotten how comforting the sensation of a kiss was to his disquieted soul. He lifted one hand up to cup her cheek as he leaned forward to find her lips with his once more. It felt effortless, as if they had been doing this for years. Rinoa's hands found their way to his hair and she tangled her fingers in his blonde strands. Unconsciously, each pressed his or her body closer to the other so that not even a slip of paper could have fit between them. Rinoa murmured his name against his lips, the parting of her own being an invitation for Zell to delicately explore her mouth with his tongue.

It was sensual, almost verging on animalistic. It was fiery. It was _right. _

If they had been closer to the wall, Zell imagined throwing her against it and doing things to her body that were probably illegal in Balamb _and _Galbadia. Hell, Trabia too.

Rinoa felt her entire body surge with an energy that she hadn't felt in ages. Kissing Zell made her feel alive again - she was sure that this was her body talking to her and not the alcohol ravaging her senses.

"My, my. This is quite an eyeful, isn't it?"

The voice flew through Rinoa's ears like a bullet. She immediately broke away from Zell and whirled around. A woman stood before her, looking to be about thirty years of age. Her hands were on her hips and she was staring at Rinoa in a disapproving manner. She had long, pale blonde hair that was tied in a loose, cascading braid. Her clothes looked tattered. What startled Rinoa the most was the woman's penetrating blue eyes and how familiar they felt when they scrutinized her.

"Rinoa!" Zell stood there, slack-jawed. Did he do something wrong? "Who the hell are you talking to?"

"Who…who are you?" Rinoa asked, eyes wide. She was almost convinced that the bartender slipped something into one of her drinks until she felt a shiver reminiscent of the morning she met Janquais Cyncad.

The woman laughed, long and hearty. "Dear, you mean you can't look at my face and guess my identity?"

"No." Rinoa shook her head. She felt Zell take one of her hands and squeeze it gently. He had no idea what in hell she was looking at or talking to.

"I'll make this easy for you, Rinoa Heartilly. Janquais told me that you'd be here. My name is Lilia Van Alst… I'm Zell's mother."


	9. If I Fell

"Life Long Forgotten"

By: _**fluffy pantoufle**_

A/N: Ah! Chapter nine! I feel that before I go any further, I should acknowledge the fabulous people that have been making the writing process worthwhile. **Faoiltierna** and **sissyHIYAH **in particular, thank you for the sparkling reviews! Knowing that there are people curious as to what happens to my version of Zell and Rinoa make each chapter more and more fun to write.

Also, thanks to **yuru-neko **- glad you're enjoying the story! And I'm even more glad to see that I'm converting you to Zinoa! ^_^ I mean, I don't _mind _Squinoa, but I just think there's something so… "forbidden fruit-ish" about Zell and Rinoa. Plus, writing Squall's character is **so **boring to me. Zell is so much more fun to work with!

Anyway, I can go on forever when on the topic of Zell vs. Squall. Haha, let the ninth chapter commence!

PS: I just have to say that there's a little part of me that's imagining Meryl Streep's character from _The Devil Wears Prada _mixed with Ma Costa from _The Golden Compass _as I write Lilia Van Alst… Whether or not those traits show through is a different story altogether, but if you want to get an idea of how she acts, imagine that. Sort of.

* * *

"I'll make this easy for you, Rinoa Heartilly. Janquais told me that you'd be here. My name is Lilia Van Alst… I'm Zell's mother."

Rinoa stood, positively dumbfounded. She felt the wind pick up and blow her hair this way and that, but Lilia's platinum strands did not move. Her clothes, shabby as they were, did not sway. The woman - nay, ghost - that claimed to be Zell's mother simply stood there, arms akimbo. Her cerulean eyes looked Rinoa up and down, evaluating her like Zell brought the raven-haired girl home before their first date.

"I have to say, I always pictured Zell with someone…well, not like you."

"What do you mean by that?" Rinoa's eyes narrowed. She could feel the alcohol coursing through her bloodstream interacting with her judgment. Lilia was a very choosy woman, even in the afterlife.

"You see, I've watched over him ever since I passed on, so I know just as well as you that he doesn't have much experience when it comes to girls. Even so, I didn't think that he would ever be interested in someone so…" Lilia paused and placed a finger to her lips, searching for the correct word. "Impetuous." Her spirit exuded a state of mind that was cool, calm, and collected, albeit proud.

Rinoa blinked. "I…you don't know me. I think saying that would depend on -"

"No, no. That wasn't me questioning you."

"How dare you!" Rinoa went to raise her hand, but then realized that Zell was still holding on to it rather tightly. She turned to face him and noticed that his face had lost its color. His blue eyes, perfectly matching those of his mother, were wide and staring at her with a sense of wonder…and perhaps a little bit of fear. "Zell?"

"Rin…are you just _that _drunk that you need to yell at the harbor?" He frowned slightly. "Should we just go back to Balamb?"

"Tell him that I'm here, Rinoa," Lilia whispered, outstretching a hand to her son. The expression on her face changed from hardened to one of longing. "My lovely Zell…"

Insulted, Rinoa'a eyes narrowed when she turned to face the ghost. She gave the slightest shake of her head and turned back to Zell. "Yeah…let's take the shuttle home. Please."

The air turned colder as the pair began to walk to the train station; a shuttle bus system had been created a year or two ago in order to transport cadets from Garden to Balamb Town with greater ease. Rinoa could sense the irritation exuded by Lilia as they turned their backs to the impassioned spirit, but she didn't care. Slighting the young woman was not an effective method to get her to be helpful.

"Don't think that this will be the last time you see me, Rinoa Heartilly!"

Rinoa rolled her eyes. Zell's arm was wrapped protectively around her shoulder. She decided not to worry about the incident - or tell Zell who she saw - until the next day.

* * *

Zell and Rinoa arrived at Balamb Garden shortly after two in the morning. Being sedentary on the shuttle allowed the alcohol to creep up and wreak havoc on their neurological processes once again. They wobbled and staggered their way through the halls, slowly making their way to the dormitories. It was a job in itself to be quiet, especially for Zell - if he had to watch Rinoa trip over her heels and flail her arms one more time, he was going to burst into hysterics.

When they came to the hallway that separated the duo on their journey - Zell had to go left, Rinoa right - they stopped stumbling and took a breather.

"I guess this is it for the night, then…" Zell trailed off, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. He tried to suppress his thoughts, knowing that there was no way in _Hell _that his wishes would be granted. The blonde cursed the booze for ever giving him a sense of hope in the matter.

"Yeah…" Admitting defeat, Rinoa reached down and attempted to take off her heels in the middle of the hallway. In doing so, however, she realized she couldn't balance on one leg and toppled right over and into Zell's waiting arms. "Damn it!"

"Careful, Rinny!"

She placed her foot on the ground - one clad in footwear, one bare - and looked up at Zell. He was even more appealing in the moonlight. "Zell, would you mind if…"

"If what?" He asked, slightly slurred. His grip on Rinoa's waist tightened slightly, in anticipation of her query.

"I mean, um…" She furrowed her brow, trying to formulate her question. "Well, uh, Squall doesn't like to see me drunk…but I don't know if he ever has. He's a big meanie! So, maybe could I, if it isn't a problem…sleep on your couch?"

"Sure!" Zell said, almost without thinking. _Hyne must be listening to me tonight! _"My room is closer anyway…"

They made their way to the left - Zell's room was only about thirty feet down the hall. He fumbled with his key, but finally opened the door and let Rinoa in. She entered as he stood by the door and turned on the light. Despite what most people would think, Zell was a fairly neat person. Rinoa smiled, inhaling the familiar scent of his room, and plopped herself onto his couch. She looked to Zell and smiled; he was obviously nervous, much more so than in Balamb Town.

"Rin, was, uh…everything OK in Balamb earlier? You scared me somethin' awful."

"Oh! Yeah, I was. I just thought I heard a voice…"

Zell sat next to her on the couch, making sure to keep several inches of space between the two of them. "You don't think it was another ghost, do ya?"

Rinoa laughed at his question, knowing that he was the only one that actually believed her crazy ghost stories. She didn't respond and instead laid her head on his shoulder with a sigh. _This'll make it easier when I tell him that it was his _mother _I spoke to…_

"I should go to bed…"

"No!" She quickly linked her arms around his, refusing to let him go. "Zell, I…please stay with me."

He was internally wrestling with every moral that he had. _She's my best friend…but she's Squall's girlfriend. Ah! But no one has to know, and no one saw us kiss earlier… GAH! We kissed?! WE KISSED! Oh my Hyne, we kissed! And it was _so nice… _But doesn't that mean I betrayed Squall? Ah, Rinoa…Should I stay? …will we kiss again? _

"You can have my bed if you'd like, Rin. I'll sleep on the couch."

"I don't care where. I just want to be with you."

"Um…"

This was all far too much for Zell. He unlinked Rinoa's arm from his and got up, heading for his bedroom. His heart was screaming at him to go back to her, to scoop her up in his arms and bring her to his bed and do - or at least attempt to do - all the things that were racing through his imagination.

But he was better than that. He thought about Squall, and how phenomenally drunk Rinoa was…and took a deep breath. _No, I can't. I can't take advantage of her. Hell, I can't take advantage of Squall. What would he say? _With that, Zell crawled into his bed, still fully clothed, and stared at the ceiling.

Rinoa, on the other hand, felt a tear well up in the corner of her eye. She knew she was drunk, but had convinced herself that she wanted Zell and absolutely nothing else would do. Squall had gone from being at the forefront of her thoughts to packaged up and placed in the basement of her memories. _Zell…I need you._

Perhaps this was why she didn't make a habit of drinking.

She crept on tiptoes to Zell's room, peeking her head in and letting her eyes adjust to the lack of light. Obviously he had not gone to sleep, nor closed his eyes, and studied her shape in the doorway. He knew he would not be able to resist her for long, despite his better judgment.

"Can I snuggle with you?" Rinoa asked timidly, almost afraid to hear a response. Hyne, she didn't want to be turned down - she feared the torrent of tears that would be released from her eyes if he refused.

"Uh…" Zell paused. _Snuggling can't hurt, right? What's a little snuggling between buddies? _"Yeah." _…snuggling makes it all sound so, so cute._

Rinoa grinned and found her way to his bed, wiggling beneath the covers and searching out his form. When she found him, she sighed softly and molded herself alongside him, curling up and closing her eyes. "Thank you, Zell."

He couldn't resist himself. Zell peered downward, searching for her face in the darkness. He didn't have to look hard, because he felt it nestled against his neck, her breath warming his skin. With his free hand, he reached across his chest, tilted her face upward, and kissed her lips softly. It wasn't brief, but it was sleepy - the alcohol was finally lulling them into slumber and neither one had the energy to explore more passionate avenues.

"Sleep well, Rinny."

* * *

_3 in the morning…_

Squall had spent most of the evening sitting up, worrying about Rinoa. He wasn't used to going a whole day without seeing her face. Even if just in the mornings and evenings, Squall felt that seeing Rinoa completed his day…completed him, to be honest.

_Hyne, I'm such a bastard. I told Rinoa I was going to _try _to make things better between us, and what do I end up doing? The exact goddamned opposite. _

He couldn't help but blame himself - of course, that was what he always did for the past fifteen years or so of his life. Self-deprecation was impulsive. If Squall Leonhart wasn't blaming himself for something going wrong, then what on Gaia was he doing?

_She doesn't deserve this. I try, I really do…but sometimes I'm scared that I'm just not cut out to _feel _anything. There's me, the equivalent of talking to a rock…and then there's Rinoa. Beautiful Rinoa. I can't even touch her anymore without feeling guilty. _

'_Feeling.' Psh. The only thing I feel anymore is guilt or regret…_

_

* * *

_

A/N: Aw, poor Squally! I mean, as much as I'm not a Squall fan, I can't help but _feel _for the guy a little bit. Not too much, though. ^_^ Actually, the whole purpose of this end-note is to say that I really envisioned the song "Roses and Wine" from FF8 for the snuggle scene. Hope I kinda captured it a bit!


	10. Sleeping Lessons

"Life Long Forgotten"

By: _**fluffy pantoufle**_

A/N: Here's another longer chapter for ya'll to enjoy! It's been more than a day or two since I last updated, so I figured that you deserved it. ^___^ By the way, thanks to everyone for all the hits this story is getting! I appreciate those who have reviewed dearly, but more feedback never hurt!

* * *

When Zell awoke the next morning, he didn't immediately open his eyes to greet the day. He felt the sun shining through his window, almost daring his eyelids to flutter open. One of the reasons for laying flat, eyes closed was because of his alcohol-induced headache. However, the bigger reason was that he was afraid to look around his bedroom and see that last night was nothing but a passing fantasy.

It had been too good to be true. Rinoa Heartilly, kissing Zell Dincht? _Not _on any sort of ridiculous dare? No, those things just didn't happen in places other than Zell's dreams. Even so, he'd be apprehensive to admit them. As much as he was attracted to Rinoa, he couldn't do anything about it. Squall was a friend since childhood, even though most of their earlier memories were wiped out. Zell could never in his right mind betray one of his orphanage buddies like that - it almost felt unnatural to even think about doing so.

Suddenly, the martial artist felt chilly. He reached for his blanket in order to tug it up underneath his chin… But was met with resistance.

He tugged again.

The blanket didn't budge.

"What the hell?"

Zell sat straight up and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands before realizing that he wasn't in bed alone. Rinoa was curled up with her back to him, the blanket pulled around her like a chrysalis. Jet-black hair served as a divider between her face and the rest of the world, and she snored ever so softly. Makeup was smudged around her eyes, giving her the appearance of a slumbering raccoon. The shock of the situation sent Zell reeling backward off of the bed with an unintentionally girlish yelp, landing on the floor with a loud thud.

"Aw, goddamn it…" Zell came to his senses and sat up, rubbing his hands through his blonde hair. He didn't realize that the sound of his fall woke Rinoa, and he was being watched rather intently. When he noticed her sitting up, her dark eyes studying him curiously, his face flushed crimson. "G'mornin', Rinoa. Ah…"

Watching Zell act so sheepish on the floor made Rinoa blush her own shade of pink. "Um, hi…there." She smacked her forehead with her hand. "Hyne, can't I say anything more articulate than that? Oh, jeez." Suddenly, she sat bolt upright. "ZELL!"

"WHAT?!" He leapt to his feet in his best 'drunken master' position and looked around the room before collapsing facedown on his bed. "Ugh. Hyne. I'm never drinking again. What's the problem?"

"Do you remember what happened…last night?"

_Do I remember? Do I remember?! _Zell rolled over so that he was staring at his ceiling, then glanced over at Rinoa. "I was hoping that you would!"

"Oh, no! You don't think we -" In a panic, Rinoa lifted the blanket to check if she was wearing all the clothing she went out in the night before.

"No, no, no!" Zell shook his head. "I _know _what happened, Rin. I was just hoping that you'd know too so that, well…at least I know for sure that it wasn't all just a crazy dream."

"Gosh! Don't scare me like that!" Rinoa sighed and laid down next to him so that they both stared at the blandly colored ceiling. Never had anything beige looked so appealing. "So…we just kissed?"

"Yep."

"And cuddled a bit?"

"Yep."

"Did you…like it?"

Zell paused for a moment, his breath getting lodged in his throat. "…yep."

"I did too." She rolled to her side so that she could look at Zell. "Does that make us bad people? I mean, I feel so weird…like I should feel guilty."

"_Should _feel guilty?" Zell sat up. "Whaddya mean by that?"

Rinoa didn't budge, but her eyes followed Zell's every gesture and movement. "I don't know. But maybe there's something to be said for this. I mean…Squall doesn't have to know, right?"

Zell fell silent at that remark. His first instinct was to go knock on Squall's door and plead for forgiveness, regardless of whether or not Squall even knew what he was talking about. His conscience already felt like it weighed about fifty pounds. But to keep this a secret…who the hell could do that to a friend? He felt a shiver underneath his skin at the very thought.

"Rinoa, I… I can't even think about that right now." He stood and went over to his closet, searching the top shelf for an aspirin. "I need some time."

Rinoa flipped the blanket off and stood. With her hair and dress disheveled, Zell couldn't help but think that she looked just as good as the night previous, but in a different, naughtier type of way. He quickly pushed the thought from his mind and headed for the front door, Rinoa following close behind.

"I'll see you later?" She walked out into the hallway and turned to face him, her expression hopeful.

"Of course, Rin." Zell smiled, betraying the whirlwind of emotions that plagued him. He didn't know what to do in this situation. The biggest part of him felt wrong and more than a little bit terrible. At the same time, a little nagging corner of his brain argued the opposite. He couldn't justify it, but he knew that something had clicked. Zell couldn't think of another moment in his life in which he felt so contented - peaceful, even - than when their lips met. What was so wrong with happiness?

Before Rinoa turned to walk down the hallway, Zell grabbed her by the hand and kissed her forehead gently. He didn't have to say a word, and neither did she. The raven-haired girl reached up to touch his cheek before heading back to her own quarters.

_Happiness is wrong when it's coming to you at someone else's expense. _

Little did they realize that a pair of icy blue eyes witnessed this delicate exchange from down the hall. Instructor Quistis Trepe placed a hand over her mouth and returned to her room, genuinely puzzled at the scene that was just laid before her.

* * *

Rinoa paused in front of her door before actually entering the room that she and Squall shared. The walk from Zell's room was a short one and didn't give her much time to think about what she was going to do next. She tried to make herself feel guilty about what happened - tried to imagine the look on Squall's face if she outright told him about kissing Zell - but it didn't make her feel anything other than indifferent. _Hyne, this almost makes me feel worse than actually feeling bad about the kiss. _

What were her options? She leaned against the wall and pondered for a moment what she could do. Of course, the ideal scenario was that Squall just never found out about what happened - but then what? Did she still want to pursue Zell?

_Like…as a boyfriend? _At one point in time it was laughable, the thought of being attracted to Zell Dincht. Now, interestingly enough, it was undeniable. She couldn't avoid it. Every path that she conjured up in her mind led to him, as ridiculous and impossible as they were. Suddenly, Squall seemed very…

"Rinoa?"

"AH!" The young woman whirled around, only to meet Commander Leonhart's stormy gray gaze. She rapidly became aware of how stupid she must have looked in last night's dress and makeup, her hair askew and thoroughly slept on. "Squall, gosh…you scared me!"

Instead of responding, Squall wrapped Rinoa in a quiet embrace, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I missed you," he nearly whispered. "How was your trip?"

"…good, it was good." One thing Rinoa had to acknowledge about Squall: his arms made her feel safer than anything else ever did. She breathed in his scent and buried her face in his chest momentarily, until Zell's face came to her mind and her stomach turned. He let her go, and Rinoa entered the room, bee lining for the couch and subsequently collapsing upon it.

"It looks like Selphie really tired you out, eh?" Squall smiled, sitting down on a chair opposite the couch. Rinoa was thankful he didn't try to sit anywhere nearer to her, for all of a sudden she became paranoid that she smelled like Zell's room, Zell's bed…Zell's _skin_… "Where is she, anyway? I'm surprised she wasn't with you."

"Oh, well…Irvine met up with us in Balamb at the bar last night. They decided to spend the day hanging out near the harbor." Rinoa smiled. _Not a total lie…_

The Commander looked surprisingly wistful for a moment. "Sounds nice."

"Yeah, it does. I didn't want to bother them, though - Selphie and Irvine really haven't had all that much time to themselves lately, and this just seemed like a good little mini vacation for them, you know? So I decided to come back here. This morning."

"Morning?" Squall raised an eyebrow. "It's one in the afternoon."

"Oh!" Rinoa's eyes widened. "So it is."

Squall's expression remained confused for a moment or two before he decided to brush the thought off completely. "I wanted to tell you, Rinoa - I spoke to Seifer yesterday."

"Really?" Now it was her turn to be confused.

"Yeah, I wanted to ask him about your whole Janquais mystery. He's had Ifrit junctioned for a long time now, and I was wondering whether or not he would remember ever meeting Janquais in the Fire Cavern." Squall shifted in his seat, coughed, and continued. "Turns out, Ifrit remembered him as being one of the first humans he ever actually interacted with, which sort of proves the disastrous results."

Rinoa nodded. "That'd make sense for sure."

"Of course. No one had ever been in the Fire Cavern before him. He must have come off as an intruder. I just don't understand why he was there in the first place."

"No one in Balamb was willing to talk about him, and Selphie and I asked pretty much everyone there except for Zell's mom."

Squall stood, walked over to the couch, and sat next to Rinoa, placing a hand on her knee. "Well, if you need help…you know, someone to persuade them to talk…all you have to do is ask me, Rin. We can even go hang out with Ma Dincht, if you'd like."

She looked away from him, especially after mentioning the word 'Dincht.' Despite his cold exterior, Squall Leonhart was _such _a good man. The guilt slowly began to set in. "You don't think I'm a crazy face anymore?"

"I never did." He smiled. "Was the story hard to believe? Well, yeah. But seeing as we've all been through some crazy stuff in the past, this didn't seem too difficult to understand."

Without warning, Rinoa leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Squall's neck. She felt him bury his face in her hair and sigh, as if he hadn't done so in decades. There was something so calming about being near him; a feeling welled up inside that began to create a knot in her throat. "Thank you, Squall." Tears began to sting at the corners of her eyes, threatening to stream down her cheeks. "I'll be right back, OK?" Rinoa jumped up and headed for the door.

"OK." Squall nodded. "I love you, Rin."

She nodded and walked into the cool air of the corridor. _I couldn't say it back, I couldn't… _Before she felt herself have a breakdown of any magnitude, Rinoa walked away from the door. Almost unconsciously she felt herself being pulled toward Zell's room, but she knew that that wasn't where she needed to go either. What Rinoa needed was a feminine perspective - surely one of her girl friends would have constructive, well-meaning advice. With that in mind, the raven-haired woman went to the one friend that she knew she'd get the best guidance from.

"Quistis?" Rinoa knocked on her friend's door several times. Quistis's room was located at the end of the hall, but still conveniently close to everyone else so that she didn't miss out completely on the adolescent goings-on of Garden. "You there?"

The door opened. Quistis stood there, her blonde hair hanging loose and a mug of steaming coffee in her hands. Rinoa was expecting her lovely friend to be smiling - after all, what did Quistis have to be upset about? Seifer Almasy was nearly banging down her door to take her out to dinner, she had her teaching position back…everything was in place. Even so, why was she scrutinizing Rinoa like a bug underneath a spyglass? The shorter girl almost felt the need to squirm below Quistis's stern gaze. "Is everything all right, Rin?" She inquired.

"Well, um…" Rinoa struggled to find the right words, feeling very much like a preschooler. Quistis did this to her every time, whether or not she realized it. It must have been a side effect of holding a job in the realm of academia. "Actually, no. I wanted to talk to you about some things. That is, if you're not busy."

"No, not particularly." Quistis gave Rinoa a barely noticeable half-smile before letting her in. "I was about to work on some papers but they're not all that important, especially with the extended school break we're having." She pointed to a less-than-comfortable looking armchair. "So, what's going on?"

Rinoa sat down and clasped her hands in her lap, unsure of where to begin. "First, Quisty, you've got to promise that this won't go beyond you and me, OK?" She cleared her throat. "I don't know what would happen if anyone finds out about this."

Both of Quistis's eyebrows raised, making a very slight 'v' on her forehead. "Sure. I'm listening."

"OK. Well…" She pursed her lips, deciding whether or not to be blunt or not. _Can't beat around the bush - not with Quistis, anyway. _"Last night in Balamb, I may or may not have kissed Zell. And I may or may not have slept in his bed. And Squall doesn't know. And I kind of liked it…hell, I think I might have actually initiated it. I don't know - I was drunk."

Quistis didn't say anything. The blonde took a long sip of her coffee and stared at the rug in quiet contemplation. She didn't look amused. All of a sudden, Rinoa was imagining the reactions she would have gotten if she told Selphie instead, and how she probably would have preferred them to Quistis's glacial silence.

"Why did you come to me with this, Rinoa?" She asked quietly.

Rinoa blushed. "Well, I was kinda hoping that you'd be able to help me figure out what I should do. I'm so confused, Quisty. I love Squall, I really do…but I'm starting to wonder whether or not we're going to really go anywhere, you know?"

"…no, I don't know, believe it or not." Quistis finally looked up at Rinoa, her expression less than pleasant. "I saw you and Zell this morning, Rin. And I'm really quite confused as to why you're tarnishing a perfectly good relationship with Squall for this."

"Perfectly good?" Rinoa wondered. "You make it sound like you're talking about a computer or something."

"Isn't that all it is to you?" Quistis began to rotate her mug in a circle on the desk she was sitting at. "Rinoa, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I'm just being honest. I was confused with what I saw this morning. It's almost like things aren't going well with Squall, so you'd sooner trade him in and start something with Zell rather than work on it."

"Quistis, I-"

The instructor raised a hand, signaling Rinoa to be quiet. "I'm not finished. Rinoa, you've had Squall wrapped around your little finger more or less since day one, and now Zell. I don't know how you do it, Rin, I really don't. And now you come here, expecting me to have some sort of panacea for the problems that you knowingly put yourself in. You know something? I don't. I don't have an answer to this, Rinoa."

It was obvious that Quistis had been holding this in for awhile, regardless of whether or not anything developed between Rinoa and Zell. This was a _Squall _issue. "I didn't expect you to have an answer, Quis. I just wanted to know what you thought about it."

"But you _knew_, Rinoa. You must have known. Why would you come to me about cheating on Squall, when you know…" She caught herself before she actually admitted verbally the feelings that she withheld for Squall Leonhart those years ago. Instead, she drummed her fingertips in rapid succession on the desk. "I'm just worried about the boys. You know that you'll ruin one if you choose the other. Zell and Squall are both sensitive."

"Yeah, I know." Rinoa stood up. "Look, Quistis. I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll leave you to your work, 'kay?"

"Fine, fine." Quistis stood to show her to the door. "I'm just trying to be honest with you, Rinoa. Don't take offense."

"No, I know." She smiled. "I get it. Thanks."

Again Rinoa found herself in the hallway, this time aimless and even more confused than before. She couldn't go back to see Zell _or _Squall at the moment, and while Quistis had her best interests in mind, she only succeeded in making the sorceress more ill at ease. While thinking, Rinoa began to walk down the corridor with her eyes closed, hoping maybe to bump into the answer she was looking for.

Of course, the answer wasn't something that she could necessarily bump into, or even touch, for that matter.

"Rinoa Heartilly! Here you are…not hard to find at all."

"Oh, Hyne."

Rinoa opened her eyes, only to find her favorite specter, Lilia Van Alst, standing only several feet in front of her. This time around, however, she looked decidedly more apologetic.

"Come, come, don't run away from me this time. You're sober, right? Let's go find a bench or something. We need to talk, darling - you have a big job to do for me and Zelly."


	11. A Falling Through

"Life Long Forgotten"

By: _**fluffy pantoufle**_

**A/N: **If you haven't noticed by now, the titles of my chapters are all song titles - typically songs I was listening to whilst writing and remind me of the content of the respective installment. It isn't necessarily the most descriptive song, but I don't care! If the actual title of the song fit's the title of the chapter, then I like it. That being said, I encourage you to take a listen to - or at least read the lyrics for - Ray LaMontagne's "A Falling Through." The lyrics remind me of Lilia; her character will be explained in greater detail in this chapter.

Admittedly though, if you're looking for pseudo-breathy, soulful, modern male singer-songwriters that are heavy on the acoustics, I would recommend Amos Lee. Christ. Love that man.

* * *

Rinoa wasn't interested in fighting with Lila Van Alst, at least not after the less than gratifying talk that she just had with Quistis. Actually, it wasn't so much a _talk _as it was Quistis unloading three years of pent up emotion and annoyance on the unsuspecting young woman.

_Unsuspecting probably isn't the best word to describe that…_

Her reaction shouldn't have come as a surprise, nor did it. Ever since Rinoa knew Quistis, she was vaguely aware of a hostility that dwelled deep within the beautiful blonde. No one ever inquired about them, so the raven-haired sorceress assumed that the feelings were common knowledge and didn't need to be thrown on the table for examination. Furthermore, it didn't take a rocket scientist to deduce that said feelings were, specifically, a long-standing and unrequited attachment to Squall Leonhart. Rinoa didn't have to take a great deal of time to figure out that there was to be conflict between her and Quistis, even if just for a little while. She had dealt with enough girls in her lifetime to know that even the most stoic of the species will still hold grudges, however tiny, against others that may "take" their love interests out from beneath them.

Three years after the war, everyone was glad to see that Quistis was happier than she had ever been in her entire life. Her teaching position had been reinstated - much to the delight of the Trepies - and nowadays enjoyed the company of a surprisingly debonair Seifer Almasy. As far as anyone knew, Quistis was well over her attraction to the commander and wasn't looking back. She and Rinoa shared a fairly warm friendship that only grew more kindly as the days went on. Despite this, she could have kicked herself for going to the instructor about her debacle with Squall and Zell. As friendly as they were with one another, Rinoa felt like some subjects were still not open for discussion with Quistis simply out of respect for her feelings, past or present.

_I couldn't have been more insensitive if I tried! Hyne, it'll take a day or two for Quisty to forgive me for that. Of course, she's only looking out for everyone's best interests. I can't blame her for that - she's known them for much longer than she's known me, and after all… Squall doesn't know. _

"Are you all right there, girl?"

Rinoa was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she completely forgot that she was wandering the halls of Balamb Garden with a ghost. She was supposed to be trying to find a spot in which they could talk undetected. It didn't help that Lilia's footsteps made no sound, yet she walked half a step behind the preoccupied sorceress. "Oh! I'm sorry…here's a bench, if you'd like to sit."

"I'm not worried about myself," Lilia said, remaining standing as Rinoa took a seat. "I'd be more concerned about students thinking that you're talking to, well…an imaginary friend." She took a look around, making sure that the halls were as deserted as they sounded. "I couldn't imagine the gossip, you know? First a sorceress, then talking to yourself…" The ghost laughed to herself. "You'd be committed, dear!"

The young woman tucked several strands of black hair behind her ears and took a deep breath. "OK, Ms. Van Alst. Let's make this quick. What is it exactly that you want me to do?"

Lilia's eyes narrowed as she looked Rinoa up and down. "Well…oh, Hyne." She sat down next to the girl, reaching out to touch her hand but immediately retracting after realizing that it wouldn't be possible. "Look, Rinoa. I apologize for being less than kind last night. You must not be thrilled with being the only person that can talk to me." When she didn't get a response from Rinoa, she frowned. "Please understand - when a mother that can't interact with her son sees him drunkenly making out with his best friend's girlfriend and _knows _that she can't do a goddamn thing about it, she's going to be less than impressed."

Rinoa blushed and looked away. She could only imagine how awkward that scene must have been for bystanders. The thought popped into her mind of her mother's ghost, Julia, joining Lilia in observation and Rinoa felt as if she had a heavy, sinking stone in her stomach. "I…I'm sorry about that."

"Sorry because I saw, or sorry because it happened?"

"I don't know… I mean, I wish that you wouldn't have had to see that, but…"

"Oh, I didn't mean to put you on the spot," Lilia said, sensing Rinoa's anxiousness. "That wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about anyway - Zell's a big boy, and in that regard he can make his own choices. I wanted to ask you to do something for me that's much different, and I fully understand if you turn down my request."

"Is it dangerous?"

"I'm not sure." The ghost shrugged. Footsteps could suddenly be heard at the end of the hallway, and Rinoa had to pretend that she wasn't listening as Lilia went on and students walked by. "You see, I've been wandering Balamb Garden for a lot longer than you'd think. I've been with Zell on almost every journey, every trip…I was around for a vast majority of the Sorceress War, but my son never knew it. I'd like to think that I've been his guardian angel for the past, well…seventeen or so years, but you could probably guess that I wouldn't be very good at guarding anything." The students disappeared, and Lilia laughed. "If I was good at that, then maybe I wouldn't be here…"

"How did it happen?" Rinoa asked, meekly. Her dark brown eyes sought out answers in Lilia's own azure spheres. "I mean, if you don't mind me asking."

"I'll get to that." Lilia stood and began to pace in front of Rinoa…back and forth, back and forth. "Zell doesn't know it, but he was born in Timber. Along with his father, Deris Van Alst, we lived a fairly comfortable life…involved in Galbadian resistance and politics and such. We always knew that it was a dangerous environment for a baby, but…hell, I don't know. Figured it would be worth a shot, right? We both wanted to have children and thought that if we just wanted them badly enough, then it would work out for the best."

Rinoa didn't speak, giving the spirit her undivided attention, and Lilia took this as initiative to continue her story. "Deris always wanted to join the Forest Owls. He wanted to make a difference for Zell, didn't want him to live under any sort of oppression. I always held him back for the same reasons - not to say that I wasn't for the resistance, but there's more reliable ways to care for your kids. I could only make so much money on my own, could only afford so much food. It's not easy when your husband has all these crazy pipe dreams about staging a revolution and winning glory. It's always a goddamned romantic dream with these men…"

"When the Galbadian army actually invaded Timber, I thanked every lucky star in the sky that Deris _wasn't _a Forest Owl - we supplied them with information and items and what have you, but that was the extent of it. I remember witnessing the execution of those two men that ran the organization…killed right before their sons. Barbaric."

Rinoa felt her heart flutter - Lilia couldn't possibly be talking about Zone and Watts, could she? The boys never spoke about it in detail, but she knew that their fathers were publicly murdered by Vinzer Deling and the Galbadian army. Who would have thought that Zell had been immersed in this madness as a child? The sorceress watched as Lilia sat back down, not facing her. She wasn't sure if ghosts could cry, but if they did wanted to give the mother space to shed tears privately.

"Deris… He couldn't escape. When the soldiers kicked in our front door and demanded to know where the rebels were, he made sure that Zell and I ran off through the back. On the streets, we met up with Janquais Cyncad, who was trying to make it to Balamb…apparently, there was a beast in a cave not far from the town that he wanted to study. He went out of his way to help Zell and I travel south. I had heard of a woman that took in orphans from the war…"

"But Zell wasn't an orphan!" Rinoa cried, swept up in the sadness of Lilia's story. "You didn't have to abandon him! What happened? Why did you leave him with Edea?"

"I was…" Lilia finally turned to face her. Curiously enough, although it looked as if her eyes were red and puffy, Lilia shed no tears. "I wasn't in a very good place mentally. Zell wouldn't have gotten the care that he needed from me. I loved him to pieces, but I felt as if half of me had already died. He was better off with Edea, believe me…several days later, I…"

Rinoa brought her hands up to cover her mouth in shock. Lilia didn't need to finish that sentence.

"Yes. It doesn't need to be said."

"Lilia, I…I'm so sorry." There was a lump in Rinoa's throat - the sorrow of this situation completely overwhelmed her. Despite the fact that she and her father did not get along, Rinoa knew that she had at least one parent in her corner in the event that she needed him. Zell, as well as the others, didn't have this luxury.

"It wasn't until I passed on that I met Janquais again. He died in the Fire Cavern, as you have undoubtedly heard about. What I wasn't aware of, however, was that until his death he was doing Guardian Force research under the tutelage of a man named Dr. Odine."

"Odine!"

Lilia smiled. "Oh, you know him? Interesting." She shook her head and suddenly took a great interest in the lines and creases of the palms of her hands as she spoke, not meeting Rinoa's gaze. "In our travels, Janquais told me all about Guardian Forces and how Odine was working tirelessly on a more effective junctioning system. It sounded exciting, really progressive. I thought that if it ever worked out and was put in use, we could learn it in Timber and use it for the resistance."

"However, what I didn't know was that in order to perfect his system, Odine damaged the minds and bodies of so many innocent people. My husband was one of those that they used in the earlier experiments. Deris…he can't be dead. I don't know what they did to him, but he isn't dead. I don't sense him in this realm."

Rinoa suddenly jumped up, a look of conviction on her face. "We'll find him! I know we will! If there's anyone on this planet that can do it, it's us!" A young female student poked her head out from around the corner, eyebrows raised in surprise. It wasn't every day that Garden cadets saw Rinoa Heartilly jumping around and shouting to…herself? Strange indeed. Hopefully it wasn't a side effect of the sorceress powers.

Lilia stood, extending her arms out in a gesture of gratitude. "You don't know how much this means…so much. But I don't even have a clue as to where he'd be."

She shook her head. "It doesn't matter! If Zell's father is alive…do you know how great that would be? How absolutely wonderful?" Rinoa began to walk down the hall at a quickened pace, the ghost at her heels. "There are too many orphans in this place that should have known their parents when they had the chance."

"Where're we going?" Lilia asked - if it were possible for her to be out of breath, she would have been panting in an attempt to keep up with the girl.

Slowly, Rinoa began to ponder the exact same thing. She eventually came to a stop in front of the dormitories. Rubbing her temples, she tried to figure out which door she should knock on for assistance. Whether or not Zell would be able to handle all of this information was a toss up, especially after the events of last evening. He looked as if he had a lot to mull over after she left him this morning…er, afternoon. As thrilled as she was to tell him about his father, Rinoa was afraid that Zell would flip out. Moreover, she wasn't sure if he was ready to see her just yet.

Squall, on the other hand, was actually expecting her to return soon. He also didn't think of her as stark-raving mad and was willing to help, which was always a plus. She just wasn't sure if she could face _him. _Not being able to reciprocate 'I love you' was bad enough - she just wanted to avoid making an ass of herself.

Decisions, decisions…

"Perhaps we should go see that commander of yours, eh?" Lilia tried to tap her on the shoulder. Instead, the apparition of her hand passed through Rinoa's body, sending a brief chill down her spine. "Sorry! I always do forget about that…"

"No, that's fine," Rinoa smiled, waving it off with a quick little shiver. "You don't want to see Zell?"

"If I know my son - at least, from an observational standpoint - he isn't quite prepared for this kind of information. Give him time to think things through, one issue at a time. Right now, he must be terribly preoccupied with _you_."

The sorceress giggled shyly, not capable of coming up with a response for that. "All right. Squall it is." She entered the dormitories and headed straight for the commander. "I wonder what he'll say when he hears this news! I bet he'll be as excited as Zell!"

So wrapped up in her thoughts, Rinoa didn't immediately realize that the door leading to hers and Squall's room was wide open. There were voices inside, both male, although one sounded much more remorseful than the other. Neither was talking in a fashion that would suggest that they were trying to be clandestine about their discussion. When the voices finally lilted their way to her ears, Rinoa paused near the door for a listen.

"It's just been eatin' at me all morning, and I didn't want to have to hide stuff from you. Just not in my nature."

"Of course."

"An' you're one of my closest friends…you know that…"

"Yes, I do."

"I don't want you to hate me, Squall. Please don't."

"Zell. Relax. You're going to beat yourself up more than anyone else would. I could never hate you."

"I really just want you to know how sorry I am."

"I do! You've apologized to me six times already. Don't worry about it."

Rinoa's eyes widened in disbelief. A thin layer of perspiration began to form on her forehead and cheeks. _Did Zell just throw us under the buggy? _She gasped when she heard footsteps, and again when the martial artist appeared in the doorway. He didn't realize that she was there at first, but as soon as he did, his cerulean eyes flashed with alarm. A familiar blush yet again found its resting place on his face and neck. Squall appeared behind him, showing his friend to the door. When he saw Rinoa standing there, he raised an eyebrow questionably. The stormy commander didn't have a look of betrayal on his face, nor one of anger…simply confusion peppered with several dashes of disappointment. And perhaps a side of amusement, as if he couldn't believe the story that he just heard. As if it was just some stupid fairy tale.

Amusement in Squall Leonhart usually meant anything but joviality. He wasn't a jovial person.

Hyne, she had a lot of explaining to do.

* * *

A/N: Blah. I don't know how I feel about writing a chapter full of back story. It's absolutely necessary, but I'm quite hazy on the events that preceded Final Fantasy 8. I hope that I didn't screw with the timeline of the Galbadian occupation of Timber or anything/Odine and the Guardian Forces...tryin' to be legit here. (: Not only that, but I THOUGHT I had an idea of where I wanted this story to go, but earlier today I decided that it was crap. Terrible. Wouldn't publish it to this site if you paid me. So now I'm trying to think of something different. But I _think _I have it. We'll see what happens.

Ahh, trying to take the plot from being a love affair on the down-low to a, well...a family affair...is a little crazy! Please let me know if it starts to fall flat or anything! I have a tendency to drag out plots and what have you...pretty sure this story could be done in about 15 chapters, but I know it won't be...so keep me on track! ^___^ This might be another chapter that I want to edit, but I'd like to see where the story goes before I do any of that.


	12. With a Little Help From My Friends

"_Life Long Forgotten"_

_By: __**fluffy pantoufle**_

**A/N: **Hello all! Hope you're prepared for the longest chapter yet! ^_^ For those of you that aren't particularly big Squall or Squinoa fans, you might be happy...heh, heh. For those of you that ARE, please don't hate me for this!

Thanks again to everyone that is reading and/or reviewing - it means the world!

* * *

The first thing that caught Rinoa off guard was the disappointment in Squall's typically tumultuous gray-blue eyes. Whereas in the past his eyes always reminded her of a stormy, powerful sea, today they seemed more like an overcast day at Balamb harbor. He sat in a chair in the corner of the room, meeting her gaze but clearly not wanting to do so. Much to Rinoa's surprise, however, Squall didn't seem to be as uncomfortable as she would have imagined. He absently tapped his foot, an obvious indicator that he wanted this conversation to be over as expeditiously and painlessly as possible.

Rinoa chose to stand, her hands clasped behind her back. She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, not knowing where to begin or how much Squall knew from the night previous. Squall surely was never in the position where a girlfriend had cheated on him - she had no idea how he was going to react. Briefly she glanced into the bedroom to see Angelo curled up on their bed, far off in doggie dreamland. At that moment, Rinoa wished she could be there too, even if she had to romp around with a pack of pooches.

"Squall, I…"

"Rinoa, there's really no need to explain anything," Squall said, quite matter-of-factly. It sounded as if he were talking with Cid - he was trying to keep the conversation emotionless, like he was talking to the wall that he himself was so often compared to. "Zell told me everything that there is to hear."

The tone of his voice was stony and cold. Rinoa could feel her heart almost seize up at the sound. "Squall, I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"What?" She inquired several octaves higher than she intended to. How in Hyne's name could she not be in trouble for something that she initiated?

"Zell told me that he tried to kiss you in Balamb last night. He had a couple of drinks, just like everyone else, and wasn't using rational judgment." Squall paused for a moment, struggling to find what he wanted to say next, but it was difficult. He knew he was treating this situation like a board meeting and not a conversation between partners, but he didn't know how else to go about it. "I mean…I guess things like that can happen. Now I just wish that I would have went out with you guys. No SeeD should be drinking that much - I haven't even seen Selphie and Irvine yet today. You said they were sightseeing, but if Zell's story is true, I wouldn't doubt they were still in bed."

Rinoa resisted the urge to make a comment about Selphie's inebriation. Her intention would be to lighten the mood, but it would more than likely be ill-received by Squall. "Look, Squall, I wouldn't say that it was all Zell's fault-"

"He made it fairly clear that he was the one to blame in the situation, Rinoa. He knew in retrospect that his behavior was reprehensible."

"But Squall, it-"

"Rin, there's no excuse. I don't know why you're trying-"

"Damn it, Squall, will you let me finish a sentence?!" Rinoa's eyes widened at the sound and volume of her own voice. She didn't realize how vehemently prepared she was to defend Zell; it took both of them by surprise. Not only that, but the fact that Squall was speaking so freely - cutting Rinoa off in the process - wasn't something that occurred often. "Will you please let me say _one thing _in regard to this whole situation? Will it be that hard?"

The commander took a moment to think it over. "…yes, actually. I don't think I want to hear what you have to say."

"…what do you mean by that?"

Squall stood. He was rubbing his hands together, trying to eliminate the clammy feeling that came from his sudden surge of anxiety. "Rinoa…I could stand in front of you right now and tell you how angry I am, but I'd be lying." As he said this, making sure to articulate every word, Rinoa suddenly felt herself go chilly - either Lilia entered the room, or she was truly fearing what Squall had to say next. "I'd be an idiot if I didn't see this coming at one point or another. You and Zell are so close…probably closer than you and I have been over the past three years. A lot of the reasoning behind that is my fault, I know."

"You've just…you've just had a lot on your plate, Squall."

"I have. And unfortunately, that's not going to change anytime soon." Squall took several steps forward and laid his hands on Rinoa's shoulders. His next words were slow and deliberate, as if he was trying desperately not to appear vulnerable. "I was going to talk to you about this sooner or later, but I guess current events have just made this all the more urgent. Last week, Cid offered me the position of Headmaster. Xu is going to take over as Commander. She's well-suited for the job, but she'll still need help in the beginning. Plus, with Cid retiring, I'm going to have to make a lot of reforms in Garden itself."

Rinoa looked up at him and tried her best to smile. "Wow. That sounds…really wonderful. Congratulations."

"…thanks."

"This must mean what I think it means, then." She shrugged her hands away and sat down on the couch. What surprised her the most wasn't the sadness that overcame her…but the almost equal amount of indifference she felt. "You know that I _do_ love you, Squall."

He sat down next to her, taking her hand. "I love you, too. But I just feel that…this arrangement will be better off for the both of us. I'm not happy about it, but Garden needs me. Peacetime or otherwise, it needs a leader." Squall blinked - once, twice - and Rinoa thought that she saw a tear or two in his eye. "And you need someone that'll be able to give you the attention that you deserve."

The young sorceress had a feeling that this day was coming - it didn't really matter if she kissed Zell or not, but it sure as hell was a good catalyst. At the same time, she couldn't figure out whether she was more or less prepared for it then she imagined. Perhaps she was simply putting on a strong face in front of Squall, and later on would collapse and cry like any typical, heartbroken woman. While he sat in front of her - breaking up with her - Rinoa didn't _feel _the way she thought she would. She felt as if she could leave the room, be upset for a minute or two, and go back to living.

"Well…I guess in that case, I'll have to move all of my things out, eh?" She laughed rather humorlessly. "You won't have to worry about Angelo anymore!"

That final moment in which Squall and Rinoa's relationship dissolved was an awkward one, to say the least. She couldn't help but feel as if she were fifteen years old and sitting in his car after their first date, waiting to be kissed - an odd thought, seeing as they were finalizing their relationship and not starting it. Funnily enough, it was at that moment in which Rinoa all at once began to feel gloom overwhelm her. Just as he felt guilty for taking her presence for granted, she knew that she would miss all the small things that made living with Squall worthwhile: the scent of his cologne that would linger on the bed sheets when he was gone, the strength of his embrace, the rare and remarkable pealing sound of his laughter.

"Rin, I…" Squall's breath was unexpectedly caught in his throat and he sounded as if he wanted to apologize and take everything back. Instead of letting him speak, however, Rinoa lifted a finger to his lips and smiled through her heartbreak. He swatted her finger away and gazed at her pleadingly. "I'll always be your knight. No matter what. I promised you that much."

When Rinoa would look back on the situation and figure out where it all went awry, those were the words that actually did it. It was as if someone had taken her heart and flattened it with a fat chocobo. There was a crushed feeling that began in her chest, making the poor girl feel as if she couldn't take a deep breath. Her head clouded with a flurry of memories, many of which were from the beginning of their now-doomed relationship. They almost functioned as a way in which to drown her from the mind outwards. She almost forgot what it was like to function without being attached to Squall…a sudden panic functioned as the riptide that carried her out to the ocean of her own thoughts.

_That's not how it works. It can't. I'm…a sorceress _without _a knight now._

She quickly stood up, gathered what little composure she had left, whistled for Angelo, and left without so much as a goodbye. Squall was left on the couch with little more than his thoughts and his brand-new title of headmaster, and suddenly the room felt just a tad bit grimmer.

* * *

Selphie was beginning to get worried. She and Irvine arrived back at Garden at approximately 2 in the afternoon. Naturally, the first place she went was to Squall's room, so that she and Rinoa could perhaps grab a late lunch and discuss their respective evenings. The vivacious brunette was anxious to chat with her friend about the escapades of herself and Irvine Kinneas; Selphie figured that Rinoa pretended to listen nearly half of the time, but loved telling her anyway just so she could have the opportunity to gush. Few people were aware of the unparalleled erotic dexterity of the tiny girl, save a certain cowboy and sorceress. Selphie laughed to herself - she knew Rinoa was listening when all of a sudden her face flushed a trademark tomato red and she would sputter like a faulty tailpipe.

"Riiiiiinny!" She knocked on the door several times and waited until a very disenchanted Squall Leonhart appeared. "Hey there, Squally! Is Rinoa around? Or is she still feeling the alcohol from last night?" The last question Selphie posed was accompanied with a jaunty wink.

Squall shook his head. "I'm sorry, Selphie. She isn't here. I don't know where you'll find her."

Piqued by Squall's tone of voice, Selphie's emerald eyes searched his face desperately for a sign as to what was going on. She was well aware of the fact that he was somewhat of a pooper, but he wasn't normally _this _bad. The last time Squall looked this low was when they were children at the orphanage and Seifer purposely threw his stuffed moomba into the sea. _That happened over ten years ago…for Squall to look THAT bad, something really gosh-awful must have went down when we were gone! _

After a minute or two of careful prodding, Squall let Selphie in and begrudgingly told her the story about his and Rinoa's breakup. She sat with a look of sheer horror on her face, reacting in the same fashion as if someone just told her that Trabia Garden had been bombed all over again. Squall was somewhat taken aback by her response, not realizing how important his relationship with Rinoa was to outside parties. He would have expected this response if he told her that poor Sir Laguna died, or Irvine was being unfaithful, or even if the train from Balamb to Timber had broken down.

"Squall, I can't even BELIEVE what you're saying!" Selphie cried, holding back a surge of tears. "You and Rinny were supposed to stay together forever! I was ready to plan your wedding! There…there is no _breaking up!" _She stomped her foot indignantly.

All Squall could do was shrug. "Selph, it just wasn't meant to be. At least not now. When things pan out, and maybe I could work out my schedule so that I have more free time…then I'd love to be with Rinoa. I'll never stop caring about her."

Selphie groaned, frustrated with the young man. She wasn't used to such apathy when it came to the topic of love. "Hyne, don't you get it? If you care about her so much, then you're supposed to do anything for her! It's simple! But I guess you're just too much of a meanie lone wolf to even think about that sort of thing." Her tongue stuck out before she even realized she was doing it - childish though it was, it made Selphie feel good. She stomped out of the room and into the hallway.

_I've gotta find Rinny! She's gonna need a place to stay and a shoulder to cry on… Selphie Tilmitt to the rescue!_

_

* * *

  
_

"Some situation this turned out to be. I can't seem to do anything right anymore. Maybe if I wasn't so worried about changing him, he wouldn't have dumped me. Who ever heard of a _knight _dumping his _sorceress…_"

Rinoa was laying on her back on the stage in the quad, double fisting ice cream sandwiches. When it boiled down to it, she reacted to a breakup just like any other 20-year-old girl would - tears, self-loathing, and dairy products. Angelo had taken to chasing his nonexistent tail until he finally realized the chase was fruitless. He fell asleep next to Rinoa's legs. Lilia was also with Rinoa, sitting cross-legged several feet away from her. The ghost had remained fairly quiet, listening to the raven-haired young woman mutter and grumble to herself in between bites of ice cream.

"You know, Rinoa, you mustn't blame yourself for this," Lilia said, breaking her silence. "That boy's never going to change, no matter who he's with. I've been around him for a long time, and I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to wrap these ghostly goddamn hands around his neck for being such a stick in the mud."

Rinoa sighed, perhaps a little more dramatically than she intended. "I just always thought that he'd be it, you know? That's what I was led to believe."

Lilia rolled her eyes. "Life has this funny little way of sending you curve balls, Rinoa. I think you're being sent a couple right about now…"

"What do you mean?" Rinoa struggled to sit up, being careful not to drip vanilla ice cream all over her outfit. She scrutinized Lilia, stared into her spectral azure eyes, and tried to figure out what exactly she meant to imply. "I'm not ready for curve balls. I just wanna…"

"RINNY!"

Selphie ran up the stairs to the stage, sweaty and out of breath. She leaned forward, hands on her knees, and began to cough a little bit. In the pockets of her yellow dress, Rinoa noticed something that immediately made her giggle: two more ice cream sandwiches. Angelo lifted his head to see what the commotion was all about, but when he realized it was only Selphie laid back down; as much as he loved to play, sometimes Angelo just couldn't keep up with the nearly inexhaustible energy of the tiny brunette.

"Rinny, I went to your room to see where you were and I spoke to Squall and he said that you guys broke up because he's going to be the headmaster and I got really angry at him because you two should be together for the rest of time and we were all counting on you guys and…and…" Selphie collapsed on the floor and slowly began to unwrap an ice cream sandwich, which looked a little soggy from being in her pocket for so long. She took a big bite, but began to whine before she even bothered to chew. "Whuts gowin on, Rinowaaa?"

"Selphie!" Rinoa exclaimed, smiling despite herself. "Calm down!"

She swallowed her big bite and looked at Rinoa with wide, doleful eyes. "Is there anything I can do to help?" A thought crossed her mind, and she abruptly began to laugh. "I could put a couple of Bomb Fragments in his bathroom… Maybe some Dragon Scales that'll flood the whole place…heh, heh…"

Rinoa could hear Lilia's startled gasp, but she just nodded - Selphie had a spatter of sadism in her somewhere, however deep and hidden it might be. "That won't be necessary, Selph. I think I'll manage."

"Well, if you ever need it…you let me know." Selphie grinned and took another bite of her sandwich, not even realizing that the other was melting away in her pocket. "And in the meantime, you're free to stay with me if you'd like."

"Sure! I'd like that."

The click-clacking of heels on the linoleum floor of the quad prompted both Selphie and Rinoa to look up. Much to Rinoa's surprise, Quistis stood in front of them. The lovely blonde instructor carried with her not papers or textbooks, but instead a family-sized bag of chocolate candies. When the three girls realized that being in their comfort zones required some sort of forbidden food, they doubled over in laughter.

"Some saviors of the planet _we _are!" Selphie exclaimed, taking a generous handful of Quistis's candies. "Ooh, these are the good ones, Quisty!"

The blonde sat down on the stairs, holding the bag in front of Rinoa. "I heard about what happened."

Rinoa shrugged. "Yeah. I know you probably want to say 'I told you so,' but it won't be necessary."

"I'm not here to say anything, Rinoa." Quistis rummaged around her bag until she found a piece of dark chocolate, popping it into her mouth. "But, do notice that I'm here to see _you _and I'm not upstairs trying to talk to Squall."

The girls spent several minutes munching away in silence. Selphie finally realized that the ice cream sandwich in her pocket was melting and making a stain on her dress, so she ate the once-frozen treat with haste. Rinoa took note of how Quistis ate her chocolates, and she wasn't surprised. Deliberately, Quistis delved through and shook the bag until she found the exact flavors that she wanted. She seemed to be more occupied with the search rather than the seizure.

"Rinny, I was meaning to ask you…" Selphie began, rubbing her palms on the skirt of her dress. "Whatever happened last night with you and Zell at the bar? Did you just come back here and go to sleep?"

"…I guess you could say that." Rinoa tried to hide the scarlet hue in her cheeks, but one can never hide such a thing from Selphie…or Quistis, for that matter. When Selphie squealed, Rinoa was startled and tried to silence her. "No! No! Nothing like that! Hyne!" She quickly told her friends the story of what actually happened the night previous - conveniently leaving out her encounter with the ghost of Zell's mother. Despite the fact that the kiss felt monumental to her, it really didn't make for as epic a tale as she thought it would.

"You know, I _did _kinda see this thing coming," Selphie said while stretching her arms above her head - she felt awfully stiff from wandering Balamb all morning, running around Garden all afternoon…and not to mention her faintest of hangovers. "As much as I've been waiting for you and Squall to just get married and finalize the whole shebang… I like this idea too, especially since he pretty much took the heat for everything - I guess that's gentlemanly of him?" She wasn't sure whether or not that was the chivalrous thing to do, but wanted to believe that it was. "Rinny and Zelly! It just seems like after all this friendship, it makes sense, y'know?"

"You do complement each other nicely," Quistis offered. She didn't want to make a big scene of anything.

Nodding enthusiastically, Selphie continued. "It's true! Plus, after Amaris practically tried to violate him with Quisty's whip, I think that Zell needs a girl that's a little less…"

"Terrifying?" Rinoa inquired. The girls simultaneously nodded and laughed, and for the first time Rinoa felt as if she could make it without Squall. She could get by…with a little help from her friends, of course. Even though they didn't always see eye to eye, the constant source of support was always evident in their actions.

Out of the blue, Quistis tilted her head to the side, eyes narrowed. "Who's coming now?"

Rinoa's expression was completely blank. "I don't know. Another guest to my pity party? I hope that they brought more food!"

To the left of the stage, two male figures were walking aimlessly down the stairs. One walked with an unusually upright step and wore a traditional SeeD uniform. The other was significantly more relaxed, almost bouncing his way down the stairs rather than walking down them. He had on a pair of denim shorts, a black tee shirt, and a cheeky expression. All three girls knew who it was before he even had a chance to figure out who they were. Rinoa felt a strange and sudden urge to get up and run; Selphie must have sensed this, because she took her friend by the hand and squeezed it gently.

"Hello Instructor Trepe, Selphie…Rinoa." Nida greeted the girls when they arrived in front of the stage. It was a little known fact that Nida and Zell were pretty good friends and confidantes, often playing Triple Triad or working out in the Training Center together. It was obvious that he was up to date on current events, because when he set his eyes upon Rinoa he became slightly flustered and looked to Zell for a reaction.

"Uh, hey guys," Zell said, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand. "What are ya'll up to?"

"We were…just leaving!" Selphie replied. She stood, grabbing Quistis on her way up. Rinoa glanced up at them with apprehension in her eyes, but Selphie just winked at her. The brunette knew that she could handle this…it was Zell Dincht, for crying out loud! "See you later, Rinnykins!" Quistis didn't get a chance to protest or say goodbye and was just about dragged away by the smaller - yet decidedly more determined - SeeD cadet.

Nida was a keen young man and took the hint that Selphie dropped to him. He patted Zell on the back and followed the girls to the exit, leaving Zell and Rinoa all alone in the quad.

…or were they? Rinoa felt Lilia's presence again as she walked towards her son, knowing full well that he could never see her. They looked _so _much alike, down to the way that Zell held his hands in his pockets, shifting his weight from one side to the other. He took several tentative steps towards Rinoa, almost as if he was afraid she would bite.

"Look, Rinoa… I really hope that you can forgive me for what I did. I'm an ass, and I know it. But I just couldn't live with keepin' something like that from Squall. He's my best friend - we go back to being toddlers, y'know, and it would've just _hurt _if I had to hide it."

Rinoa nodded. "It's OK, Zell. I forgive you. I feel like I should thank you for not letting me take any of the blame - Squall wouldn't even hear me out."

"Yeah, well…" He took several more steps; now he was at the foot of the stairs that led to the stage and only an arm's length or two away from Rinoa. His heart was practically pounding in his ears. "I didn't want to be the reason why you and Squall broke up. I can still only be a friend…"

She raised her eyebrows. "You haven't heard?"

"No?" He shrugged. "Was I supposed to have heard something?"

"Well, it only happened a couple of hours ago…" The raven-haired girl felt her face get hot at the assumption - clearly word didn't travel as fast as she thought. "Squall and I broke up."

"WHAT?!" Zell reeled, almost falling backward onto the linoleum. "He said that he was gonna be the headmaster, but he didn't say that he was dumping you! What the hell?"

Rinoa stared at the floor, unsure of how to respond. She wasn't a fan of the phrase 'getting dumped,' even thought she knew Zell didn't say it to offend her. It was as if he knew, because the moment he saw her fall silent he regained his composure. "Yeah. He said that he was going to be too busy for me, and he thought that I should be with someone who can give me the love and attention that he couldn't…"

Neither one of them spoke for a moment. Zell looked like a little boy at the foot of the stairs, his gaze falling on Rinoa for a split second before suddenly finding interest in Angelo or a dirty spot on the ground. His hands were stuffed in his pockets, then stroked his hair, then dusted off the front of his pants…he couldn't stand still if he tried.

The realization dawned upon him slowly, but when it settled Zell did little more than gasp and take a step back, eyes wide.

_Squall didn't mean…he didn't mean ME, did he?!_

Rinoa knew. A smile danced across her face as she watched Zell. He could be so undeniably endearing, especially when he wasn't aware of it. "We don't have to discuss any of this, Zell. I'm not trying to jeopardize our friendship for _anything._ But…there's something that I do need to talk to you about, and it should be sooner than later."

He cocked his head to the side, eyebrows furrowed. "What about?"

"Zell…maybe we should find a better place to talk about this."

"Why?" He hesitantly climbed one stair. "What's wrong with here?"

"Well…" Rinoa looked to Lilia, who was standing only several feet away. The ghost nodded to the girl, urging her to continue. "You know how I've been seeing ghosts and stuff?"

"…yeah?"

"Zell…I know you can't see her, and I don't want you to freak out, but… I'd like to introduce you to your mother, Lilia Van Alst."

"…"

Rinoa wasn't quite prepared for Zell's fainting spell. When he collapsed at the bottom of the stairs Lilia quickly ran down to crouch next to her son, knowing full well that she couldn't do anything to revive him.

"This wasn't quite the effect we were going for, eh?"

* * *

A/N: I just realized this, but I made Angelo into a boy for this fanfiction. Hah! I was writing this and debated turning her back into a girl, but then I just decided that it's no big deal. It's not my fault Squaresoft was idiotic and gave a bitch a boy's name. ^___^


	13. High Hopes

"**Life Long Forgotten"**

_**By: fluffy pantoufle**_

**A/N: **So, my first week of work has gone by and wouldn't you know it, I managed to injure myself! Either I broke my ankle or did some serious ligament damage - won't know until I get an MRI. Whatever the case may be, I've been laid up at home and am thoroughly surprised at myself for not picking up my laptop sooner!

Here's a chapter for those that may have been waiting for it… This is proving to be interesting, especially since I'm more or less changing the direction of the story entirely. I hope that it'll be for the better - enjoy! Don't forget to review!

* * *

Luckily for all those involved, Zell didn't remain unconscious for long. He came to about five minutes after fainting, but didn't bother to get up from his spot at the bottom of the stairs. Rinoa watched him as he sat, cross-legged, wringing his hands together. The young man had a confused expression on his face and almost looked as if he was trying to hold back tears. Unlike the other males Rinoa knew, Zell had a propensity for tears - a habit he never quite outgrew.

"Are you going to be all right, Zell?" Rinoa asked tentatively. She now sat on the bottom stair, knees gathered up so that she could rest her chin on them. "I didn't mean to give you a fright or anything."

The blonde shook his head from side to side. "Nah, nothing like that! You just gave me a whole helluva lot of information all at once, Rin. I guess it was like an overload."

She nodded. "Understandable. I'm awfully sorry. I probably should have thought things out."

"Don't be," Zell replied. His blonde eyes were glossy with moisture, and he blinked several times in order to hide the foreboding tears. He shifted his weight a little and re-crossed his legs, obviously anxious. "I mean…Squall's an ass for doing this. I'm really sorry about you guys breaking up and all, but I know you. This is gonna turn out to be just fine, and you know that I'll always be looking out for ya, Rin. You're my best girl…friend."

Rinoa couldn't help but feel the corners of her mouth tug upward. "Thanks, Zell. That means a lot, coming from you."

"It should!" He chuckled a bit before his expression returned to solemnity. "I don't think that was the part that bothered me, 'cause I know that you'll do good on your own." The young sorceress noticed that Zell quickly tried to change the subject - surely he wasn't ready to discuss the prospect of Rinoa being single just yet, and especially not when there were bigger issues on the table. "You said that, um…my mom was here?" Rinoa nodded, and the blonde's cerulean eyes widened in fear. "Really? You're not joking? Hyne, Rin…I don't know if I can believe you."

"You believed me about Janquais, Zell! What makes this any different?"

"This is _so _different! You're telling me that my mother's here in this room with us, and I have no way of figuring out whether or not you're throwin' me for a loop or not." He took a deep breath and lifted his hands, pressing his palms against his forehead. "It's just scary for me to place that much trust in someone else about something that I just don't know anything about…"

Rinoa reached out and took his hands in her own and squeezed them gently. "Do you really think that I'd trick you about something like this, Zell? This is _important_, and never in a million years did I think that I was going to meet your mother, ghost or not. But she needs our help."

"Our help," Zell echoed. It was obvious that the young man was still stunned by the news. Rinoa watched Lilia out of the corner of her eye; the ghost was sitting at the end of the stage, admiring her son from afar. It didn't matter whether or not she was at his side or across the room - he wouldn't know of her presence regardless. The raven-haired girl felt her heart flood with sympathy for the poor, lost mother…she could never comprehend the magnitude of her pain. "You can see her pretty clearly, right?"

Rinoa smiled. "Clear as crystal."

Zell grinned sheepishly. He felt like a blind man asking his friend to describe to him a beautiful flower. It was a strange feeling, indeed. The martial artist was used to being so aware of the world around him… To have to ask someone else to illustrate something was entirely foreign. "Tell me what she looks like?"

Lilia looked to Rinoa and smiled. The ghost dusted off her dress and smoothed her hair in jest, knowing that it couldn't make that much of a difference. "Well…she's just lovely, Zell. You look a lot like her. You've got her blue eyes and her hair color, that's for sure."

"Really?" He inquired, with all the wonder of a child. "I knew it! That's how I always see her in my dreams…I _knew _I remembered her."

Rinoa began to tell Zell all that she knew about Lilia, Deris, and Zell's early childhood. He listened to her with rapt attention, not bothering to hide the tears that began to trickle quietly down his cheeks. The young man had always been so curious as to where he came from, probably more so than anyone else he knew. He never understood why the others just…_accepted _the fact that their origins were hazy at best. Why wouldn't someone want to know who their parents were? It just added pieces to the puzzle that composed his identity…if he could only know his mother in spectral form, then that would do. He began to feel whole in a way that he never experienced in the entirety of his life.

"So…I'm a Timber baby, huh?" Zell smiled, wiping the tears from his face. "Never would have thought it."

Lilia had since moved to the ground, sitting only several feet away from her son. "Rinoa, you have to tell him the most important part… He needs to find his father."

"Zell…" Rinoa glanced from the ghost to the man. It was the strangest thing, to be able to talk to two people without them ever speaking to one another. "Lilia says that I'm leaving out the most important part of the whole story…the part that we're going to have to do in order to help her to rest peacefully."

"What's that?"

"Your father is still alive. She doesn't know where, but we've got to find him. He…"

Zell didn't need to hear anymore. He sprung to his feet and stretched his hands out to Rinoa. If she didn't know better, she would've guessed someone told him that the cafeteria had restocked its supply of hot dogs. "Come on, Rin! Let's do it!"

She took his hands and allowed the martial artist to pull her to her feet, but she looked at him with distressing eyes. He looked so hopeful that she didn't want to tell him about the fact that Deris could potentially be damaged… Would it have done any good? Lilia looked to her with an expression matching her own. Zell was so happy; to destroy that happiness would in turn make Rinoa feel horrendous. This was where her morality came into play, and she grappled with the choice.

He cocked his head to the side, confusion painting his face. "What're you waitin' for, Rin? The second coming of Hyne? C'mon!"

"…sorry, sorry," She repeated, placing her hands in his own and allowing herself to be pulled upwards. Zell's hands felt rough and weathered, as if he was a physical laborer. Of course, just like the rest of his exemplary musculature, these hands were simply a product of all the hard work the young man put into his training. "It's just been a long day, I suppose."

"Nah, I get it," He nodded, not letting go of the young woman's smaller, more delicate hands. "I promise things are gonna get better. For me _and _you." In a surge of exhilaration that he wasn't even initially aware of, Zell leaned forward and pecked Rinoa lightly on the lips. However, Zell didn't seem to be nearly as ashamed of this kiss. "I really, really promise."

Rinoa blinked once, twice. The organic feeling of her lips touching Zell's was still apparent, the acknowledgement of which tied her stomach in knots. She took her hands back and clasped them against her stomach, unsure of what to say or do.

Lilia was the one that broke the silence, despite the fact that only one of the two young adults could hear her. "Selphie said that you could bunk up with her for the night, right? You look stressed, girl. Maybe you should just rest up."

"It's still pretty early," Rinoa replied. Zell thought that she was talking to him and opened his mouth to respond, but when he noticed that her attention was diverted in an entirely different direction he fell silent. "Do you think that anything else can be done tonight?"

The ghost shook her head. "Nothing can be done if you're not prepared for it. I'd go with a good night's sleep."

The young sorceress's eyes glittered as she nodded in Lilia's direction. She returned her attention to Zell, whose lips were pursed together; he was clearly trying to make sense of what was happening before him. "I think I'm just going to go to bed, Zell. First thing in the morning we'll figure out what to do, OK?"

"Do you…need a place to stay?" He asked with a sparkle ofinnocence. "'Cause if you want, you can spend the night with, uh…"

He didn't need to finish the sentence - Rinoa shook her head. "No, no. Selphie offered to let me stay with her…I think that right now, that's probably for the best."

"Whatever you want…"

"Thanks anyway, Zell." Rinoa took several steps in the direction of the stairs that led out of the quad before turning to face him, standing so quiet and serene. "Early in the morning, OK?" She gave her trademark, one-finger salute - three years later and she was still known for it. "We're not going to waste any time!"

"Great!" Several strands of blonde hair fell in Zell's face and he tried to blow them back into place, eliciting a laugh from Rinoa before she disappeared. He knew that she was exhausted and had a terrible day, but he couldn't help but feel…abandoned? "Great…"

_Is _this _what it's like? I feel like I've gotta run after her…but she's just going to bed. Obviously, I'm not missing out on anything. Right? Right. Get a hold of yourself, Zell - there's bigger things to be worryin' about now! Your DAD is alive…_

Zell had a sudden itch on his arm and reached to scratch it, then quickly rubbed his hands through his hair and against the back of his neck. What a day it had been! He couldn't help but feel the excitement coursing through his veins, despite the dash of anxiety that accompanied it. What would he say to his father upon meeting him? What would he _do? _He knew of several stories from fellow students about them meeting long lost family members - after all, the Gardens were predominantly composed of orphans and children that were cast aside during the Sorceress War. Some of them were happy, but the ones that stuck out most in his mind were, surprisingly enough…disappointing. The war had a profound effect on those that lived through it, and things hadn't turned out for the best for some parents.

_Nah. Not _my _dad. This is gonna be the best thing I've ever done… I've been waiting to meet him my whole life. It'll be great. With Rinoa…and my mom, even though I can't see her…how can things be bad? _

* * *

"Oh, Zell."

When Rinoa left Zell, she assumed that Lilia was going to follow her and was genuinely surprised that she didn't see the ghost for the duration of the evening. Unbeknownst to the sorceress, however, Lilia had a different agenda. On this particular night - like so many before - she sat at the foot of her son's bed, watching him as he slept so peacefully. His chest rose and fell slowly, rhythmically…despite the fact that he was in his bed, Zell Dincht was far away. Dreams took him from his mother, gazing and wishing that she could whisper even just one single word in his dormant ear.

"I wish I knew what you were getting yourself into. I wish I could sit here and tell you that your father has been waiting to see you, but I can't. Hell, I wish I could tell you where he is." She sighed and placed her hand over his feet, both covered by a thick blanket; her ghostly figure would still leave his skin feeling chilly regardless. "There's a good chance he'll just be…shattered."

"I need you to bring me this closure, Zell. It seems so…so damned selfish, but I'm _tired._ Ghosts must rest too, you know. Although unlike you, we rest for eternity." She chuckled, stroking the blanket without feeling what she was touching. "But you'll know what I'm talking about, one day. With the amount that you sleep, seems like you're preparing for eternity as it is."

Lilia closed her eyes. When she opened them, Zell had turned his body so that his back was facing her. He muttered something incomprehensible before Lilia could once again hear the quiet snore of her son at rest. "You're so strong… I still can't get over it." A thought crossed her mind and she grinned. "Still a bit of a crybaby, though. But that doesn't surprise me - Deris was exactly the same way. You got your emotions from your father, through and through."

"This Rinoa girl…I've been waiting so _long _to talk to someone and actually have them talk back! I was hoping it would be somebody else - Edea maybe, she's such a nice woman - but Rinoa is starting to grow on me a bit." The ghost stood and took several deliberate steps away from the bed before turning, viewing Zell from a different angle - still beautiful in her eyes. "But I think it's because she's grown on _you _so much. The two of you have plenty of growing up to do…but I think it'll work."

Before Lilia could say anything else, she heard Zell mutter again - dreaming about something grandiose, no doubt. She strained her ears to hear exactly what he was saying… When she figured it out, a ghostly gasp was caught in her throat.

"Rinoa…don't leave me…Rinoa…my _Rinny…_" He exhaled breathily and his brows furrowed in panic before relaxing and resuming an undisturbed expression.

Grandiose? Maybe Zell's dreams weren't as extravagant as Lilia imagined. Maybe he was more like Deris than she had previously thought. After all, despite his commitment to the Galbadian resistance, Lilia's husband had one commitment that was even greater: his vow to cherish and protect his wife and child. While men like Squall dreamed of commanding Gardens and saving planets…maybe all Zell was worried about at this point in his life was committing himself to something smaller - namely, a woman he could grow old with.

Let the militaristic schemers dream their dreams of airships and weapons and war. Zell had his dreams of love, and that was enough.

Lilia smiled. "Do good by her, son. If you're anything like your father, which you certainly seem to be, then that isn't something that I'll have to tell you twice."

* * *

A/N: Oh! Here's a shameless plug - please check out my newest chapter project, _Splendor, _and tell me what you think! It's M-rated, so it has the potential to get a little naughty... But I'm quite excited about it! Woo! ^___^


	14. Both Sides Now

"_Life Long Forgotten"_

_By: _**fluffy pantoufle**

**A/N: **This has nothing to do with anything, but...I compiled every chapter of this fanfiction in one big document on my computer...and it takes up 73 pages. **73 PAGES!** AH! And it's not even finished! This is, by far, the most arduous fanfic attempt that I've ever made - but I'm absolutely loving it. I really, truly hope that you are as well!

I particularly enjoyed writing this chapter. In this installment: Ma Dincht! Is she a cougar? I wonder... ^__^ Enjoy and **REVIEW**!!

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The evening passed by, uneventful and quiet. As boisterous as Selphie had previously been, she was much more subdued in her own living quarters. She graciously offered to let Rinoa sleep in her bed, maintaining that with two feather pillows and her favorite quilt, the couch was just as inviting. Thankful for the offer, Rinoa curled up underneath Selphie's lemon-colored sheets and stared out towards the glimmering stars. It was a clear night, and certainly one of the most beautiful the sorceress could recall in her recent memory.

Try as she might and as exhausted as she was, Rinoa couldn't will herself to close her hazel eyes. Had it really only been the night before that she was snoozing next to Zell? Not only was she sleeping in another person's bed, but the young woman felt doubly alone without him at her side. She covered her head with the blankets and sheets in an attempt to envelop herself in a cocoon of warmth that would hopefully lull her to sleep.

_Whatever happens, Zell… With your dad, between us - I don't care. You _have _to stay a part of my life. I'll help you as much as I can, no matter what. You're not the only one that can promise better tomorrows. _

Her last thoughts before drifting off left a smile on her face. There was still faint chill beneath the sheets that Rinoa alleviated quickly by remembering the heat generated that fateful night in Balamb via their first kiss…

* * *

Zell and Rinoa reunited near the Garden directory in the lobby before most students were even roused from their beds. The martial artist arrived first, ready to greet the day - he slept well, but awoke unnaturally early and couldn't fall back to sleep if he tried. His stomach growled and he patted his abdomen in a futile attempt to quell it; the cafeteria wasn't even open yet!

_Good thing I called Ma last night and told her we'd be coming! There's nothing like Ma's waffles! …not hot dogs, but it'll do. _

Rinoa's shoes made an echoing sound that seemed louder considering the silence of Garden at six in the morning. Not only that, but Zell could detect the familiar 'clickity' - as he liked to call it - of Angelo's nails on the hard floor. When she rounded the corner, the blonde was somewhat surprised to see Selphie too - he hadn't picked up on the soft padding sound of her boots. In her hand was the source of her morning effervescence - a travel mug of steaming coffee. The scent found its way to his nose and inadvertently picked him up a bit; he always wondered how in Hyne's name coffee could do that.

"Hiya, Zell!" She waved with her free hand. "Lovely morning, eh?"

He nodded; when properly harnessed, Selphie's cheerful demeanor was contagious and especially welcome in the morning, although that couldn't be said for _every _morning. "Definitely! It's gonna be a great day!"

"Are you ready to go?" Rinoa inquired. She wore a small backpack that carried some bare necessities, but not much else. Hopefully, this was to be a journey that gave them plenty of time to explore cities and not the vast wilderness, or they'd be screwed. He didn't even see her Blaster Edge, but then recalled the fact that her magic powers were unmatched and a weapon was probably just superfluous. "We can catch the train from Balamb to Timber and just go from there, if you'd like."

"I think that'd be a good place to start, for sure," Zell said, bending down to pet Angelo. The dog was so excited to see him that his whole body wagged in delight. "I wanted to tell Ma about what we're doing before we leave Balamb. She's makin' breakfast just for the occasion."

Rinoa grinned while Selphie groaned. "Oh, man! Ma Dincht makes the _best _waffles! Are you absolutely sure I can't come along, Zelly?"

"I'm sorry, Seffie…" He shook his head, prompting a sigh from the brunette. "This is something I wanna do, well…mostly on my own. Rinoa's like my spiritual guide, I guess."

"Fine, be super duper _lame_…" Selphie gave him a stony stare for a second or two before giggling. "Just kidding!" She ran up to Zell and wrapped her arms around his body. "Good luck! And please be careful, all right? You know that I'll come over and give baddies a taste of my Strange Vision if ya need me to!"

He very nearly had to pry Selphie off and wondered whether or not he'd have to drag the girl from continent to continent; she had a steel grip. "Worry about taking care of everyone here in Garden, will ya?"

The little brunette begrudgingly broke her hold on Zell and gave both he and Rinoa a playful wink. "Consider it done! But of course, you have to promise that you're going to take good care of Rinny while you're away!" She stroked her chin with her index and finger and thumb, feigning deep thought. "In a strange way, I guess maybe you're like a knight now, huh?"

Zell's eyes widened at the term. "A…_knight?"_

Rinoa felt the color drain from her face - 'knight' was not a term to be thrown around lightly, and especially at such an early hour. Selphie really should have known better than to inadvertently terrify the poor young man. The expression in Zell's face quickly turned from contented to queasy and before he could act upon it, Rinoa was dragging him to the front gate. Angelo trotted along behind, simply happy to be with his master.

Selphie was holding one hand over her mouth, the other waving at her friends meekly. "Have…fun…"

"We'll call you, Selphie!" The sorceress called over her shoulder. The shade of green that tinged the poor martial artist's skin was unlike anything she'd ever seen. If she didn't know better, Rinoa would have thought that he went catatonic beneath her touch. "Come on, we have a breakfast date to make! Can't show up like _this, _can we?"

* * *

The duo traveled along the road that led from Balamb Garden to Balamb Town in silence, for the most part. Monsters never bothered to cross the road during the daytime, and this morning was no exception. The sun, recently revived from its slumber beneath the horizon, warmed their bodies as they walked. Rinoa was thankful for the fact that the fresh air seemed to give Zell his color back, although she was wary of the sun herself - she didn't want to get sunburned. Angelo briskly walked several feet ahead of his humans, ready to spring into action if something went awry. However, the day seemed too lovely to go wrong.

When they reached Balamb, Rinoa grinned to herself - only several days ago it seemed like such a different place! The sorceress couldn't help but be amazed at the drastic effects a couple of alcoholic beverages and the moon could make on an environment.

Zell inhaled the sweet, salty air of his hometown and a matching smile crept onto his own lips. "Never fails to make me feel good," he remarked. "Love this place."

Without giving it much thought, Rinoa reached out and took Zell's hand in her own. "I think I can smell your mom's cooking from here!" Angelo lifted his nose in the air and took a tentative sniff, as if to prove Rinoa's theory true. "It didn't take us all that long to get here…d'ya think she's actually up this early?"

They walked towards Zell's house hand in hand as he replied, an action that felt like the most natural thing in all the world. "Ma Dincht is a hard workin' woman… I think for as long as I've known her, she's gotten up with the sun."

"Wow, that's awfully impressive." Rinoa tried to think back to when she was five… Julia was a hard worker in her own right. However, whereas Ma Dincht was strong and domestic, Julia Heartilly was lithe and artistic and spent many a late night performing her songs. One of Rinoa's favorite things as a little girl was the midnight kisses she'd receive when her mother returned home from one of her shows…

"Yeah…with all the working she does, sometimes I wonder if my Ma could've made SeeD in her day! It wasn't around, but I bet if it was…damn, she'd be amazing."

Funnily enough, as they arrived in front of the house, Ma Dincht was already outside. Two neighborhood cats were circling her feet as she placed a small saucer down in front of them. They mewed graciously and began to lap up their meal as Ma saw her son ambling down the street. A weathered, brilliant smile greeted Zell and Rinoa when they were close enough to see it.

"Zell! Oh, come on in!" She ushered them into the house and closed the door, leaving the cats outside. "It's a pleasure as always, Miss Heartilly."

"Likewise, Mrs. Dincht!" Rinoa's hazel eyes sparkled with contentment. Beyond her own mother and Edea, who was a motherly figure to her orphaned friends, the sorceress didn't really know any other older women that could be classified as such.

Zell swept his adoptive mother up in a warm embrace and planted a kiss on her cheek before asking the obvious. "Ma, what's up with the cats? Don't tell me you're becoming one of _those _ladies!"

"Now, now," Ma chided, ushering her guests to the breakfast table. "Miss Beresford will always be the one and only cat lady of Balamb - Hyne rest her soul. I've been feeding those cats for awhile now, and they're just lovely little things."

The blonde man rolled his eyes. "Why don't you get one, then? Or a dog?" All three peered out the window to see Angelo barking at the two cats, trying to initiate play. The felines stared at him curiously, debating whether or not to run or attack… Little did they know that if they did as much as unsheathe one claw, they would have to face the Angelo Cannon.

"Pish posh!" Despite her age, Ma Dincht still seemed to be very much in her early thirties, walking around the room with a sprightly step and a pleasant cadence to her voice. "With all the goings-on of this town? I take care of all the neighbors enough as it is! Those little cats are just enough responsibility for your old mother…at the end of the day, they go right back to their own homes."

Rinoa let out a good-natured laugh. Balamb was such a sleepy little seaside town, and here was Ma Dincht describing it as one might describe a bustling metropolis. She tucked several strands of her dark colored hair behind her ears and smiled in appreciation as Zell's mother handed her a mug of Sylkis tea. Zell took one as well, although both Rinoa and Ma knew that he wasn't a particularly big tea aficionado.

"So!" Ma began, setting down plates of food in front of the younger pair. "Where are you two headed today? Zell, you didn't give me many details - is it an undercover, SeeD-y type mission?"

"_SeeD-y_? No, Ma…" He said, cutting through his waffle with the side of his fork. "It actually doesn't have anything to do with Garden."

"Oh?"

Before Zell could say anything, Rinoa cut him off. "Mrs. Dincht, maybe I should explain the situation."

The mother's eyes narrowed. "_Situation? _You don't mean to tell me that you two…"

Several awkward moments passed as Zell and Rinoa absorbed the depth of what Ma was saying. When it finally sunk in, Rinoa gasped and Zell nearly fell out of his chair. "NO!" They both shouted at the same time.

"Oh, Hyne no!"

"That's crazy!"

"Me? Tch!"

"Gyah…"

Ma had a hearty laugh at their reactions to her open-ended question. "Well, I'm glad to hear that. Don't go and give me gray hairs now, Zell."

Despite his averseness to tea, the martial artist decided to take an unusually long gulp of the tepid beverage. Rinoa gave Ma an awkward, sidelong smile. "Um," she began, "I actually wanted to explain something completely different! And…perhaps it'll sound a little bit, well…_insane…_but we figured that you should know about this trip more than anyone else."

Rinoa wasted no time in regaling Ma with every detail of the story, from the lightning bolt, to Janquais and Lilia…even down to breaking up with Squall the day previous. Zell interjected every now and then with bits of information that he deemed to be necessary. Like any good mother would, Ma Dincht sat and sopped up the story with great earnest, although the hard glint in her eyes deceived how she actually felt about the whole quandary. When Rinoa finished, her Sylkis tea had grown cool and wasn't nearly as palatable as it had been when she started. Even Zell's waffles were only partially picked at.

"So," Ma began, drumming her fingertips on the table, "Rinoa, more or less…what you're trying to say is that the ghost of Zell's biological mother has contacted you and wants you to go on a wild goose chase for this…Deris Van Alst, who she claims is Zell's father?"

The sorceress gave a singular nod. "Yes, pretty much."

"I believe her, Ma…" Zell said softly. "Rin wouldn't lie about something like this…not to me. It's worth a shot, don't ya think?"

A moment went by before Ma raised a finger and pointed it at Zell, as if to add more meaning to her statement. "I believe her, too. I'm not sure if I agree with this trip, but I believe."

"What makes you say that?" asked Rinoa, genuinely curious.

"Because…" Ma leaned back in her chair, "I'm the only person in this town who gives two hoots about the name Janquais Cyncad."

Both Zell and Rinoa gaped at her, slack-jawed. "Whaddya mean?" Zell inquired incredulously.

"I mean, Zell, that Janquais Cyncad was the man…that led me to _you_." Ma stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. She stared out the window and appeared to be looking at Angelo, but was clearly imagining a different time and place altogether. "If that man hadn't come to Balamb, I never would have known about Edea's orphanage. He was a strange guy, and to this day…a lot of people hate his memory. Opening up that Fire Cavern led a lot of people to their deaths, and it really increased the amount of beasties that wander outside of town." Her voice became very soft, and she turned to look Zell lovingly in the eye. "But the best thing I ever did was to let him stay in this house. He kept me company when no one else would…"

"No WAY." Zell stared at her, slack-jawed.

"It was only for a few weeks. All Janquais needed was a place to sleep and write up reports, or something like that. The last day he was here, I asked him if he had a family - even if it were just a wife! He told me that he was more or less married to his research, but he certainly told me all about Lilia and her son." From outside, they could hear Angelo noisily lapping up what the cats had left behind, along with the cries of seabirds that had strayed from the harbor. "And I figured…well, I had no children, husband passed away…The thought of a poor, motherless boy was too much. I _had _to journey south, Zell."

"Then it's no surprise why I saw him in Garden," Rinoa murmured. "He must be checking up on you too, Zell. He…must want to see everyone get their closure."

"Not only that," Ma remarked, "But I think…Janquais wants to be remembered for doing something _good._ Not that his research wasn't good in its own right, but…He did so much more when he told me about you."

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner, Ma?" Zell inquired. "You knew for twenty years, and didn't say a word." Rinoa could see the confusion in his opulent blue eyes and wondered whether or not this trip was a good idea after all…

Ma simply shrugged - not because she didn't know, but because it didn't matter. "What difference would it have made, Zell? It doesn't matter. You're my son, and I absolutely adore you. I did from the minute I saw you. Sometimes…it's best _not _to know."

The martial artist's eyebrows both raised up in a peculiar, upside down 'V.' "Of course people should know where they came from! Ma, it's a part of who I am. Why wouldn't I want to know my parents?"

Rinoa could see Ma Dincht wince ever so slightly. She knew that Zell didn't mean to hurt his adoptive mother - quite the contrary, as he was just confused. The slighted woman simply shrugged again, smiling through the pain. "I don't know, Zell… I always just thought that I'd be enough. You were always enough for me."

It was then that he saw the pain he unknowingly inflicted on his beloved Ma. "Oh, no! I didn't mean it like that, Ma… I'm so sorry!"

She nodded, over and over. "I know, I know. It's just that I've heard so many sad stories, especially with orphans from the Sorceress War. There's a reason why people have said that ignorance is bliss… Balamb has always been a place to get away from it all, you know? I thought you'd live a good life here and not have to worry about the horrors from the outside world."

Rinoa knew that Ma Dincht had only tried to protect Zell from the truth. She didn't withhold information from him to cause him pain… She just wasn't sure of the emotional toll that the truth would cost. Moreover, in such a situation, Rinoa didn't think it to be selfish of Ma to not tell Zell. With the Sorceress War came a plethora of nightmarish stories, especially in relation to the separation of families. Parents were killed and corrupted without a second thought being given to the children…

"I…I understand, Ma." Zell nodded, fiddling with the fork in his right hand. "I think that's why so many of my friends haven't bothered to try and look for their families. An' I wasn't planning on this either, but…Now the chance is in front of me. I gotta take it, no matter what happens."

"Yes, it makes sense." Ma smiled, recognizing the strength of character in her son. Her brown eyes glistened with tears as she spoke. "I would probably do the same, had I been in your shoes. There ain't anything like having the opportunity present itself, eh?"

"No, there isn't."

The next several minutes were spent more or less in silence, as everyone processed the words that had just been exchanged. Rinoa glanced over at Zell, who was now staring glumly at his plate. She could barely make out a tearstain on his cheek; clearly, the martial artist was more sensitive to his adoptive mother's emotions than anyone could have guessed. He wasn't sad, but certainly he had been sobered a bit by Ma's words. The sorceress reached for his hand underneath the table, catching him off guard a bit when her fingers interlaced with his. Zell glanced over at her and gave the slightest hint of a smile that Ma immediately picked up on.

She raised a curious eyebrow. "I'm not missin' out on anything else here, am I? Because I find it a little strange that it's only you two that are here… At least, I was hoping to see that lady-killer cowboy friend of yours!" Over the years, Ma had grown a peculiar fondness for Irvine - no one could figure it out, nor did they bother to try. Once Irvine made a wisecrack about 'cougars' in front of Zell, and the taller brunette paid for it dearly…Doctor Kadowaki almost fell off of her swivel chair when she heard the story behind his black eye.

"Nah, nothing else!" Zell replied awkwardly. He quickly removed his hand from Rinoa's in order to wave them about as he spoke. "Rin's just one of my best friends, an' I figured that this is a trip that I wanted to take, well…mostly by myself. She can see the ghosts, so I _needed _her to come along." Rinoa simply nodded as a supplement to Zell's statement.

"All _right_," Ma said somewhat unconvincingly. "That's the story for now, I suppose." Zell opened his mouth to say more, but Ma turned to check the clock that hung above the doorway. "My, my! The train for Timber is leaving in about half an hour, maybe less - not that I'm pushing you out, of course, but the next one doesn't leave until dusk."

Rinoa looked to her companion for an answer. "It's up to you, Zell. Wanna head out?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it's probably a good idea…plus, I don't wanna be in Ma's hair all day!"

"Zell!" The older woman laughed. "You're never in my hair, silly boy. I love it when you come to visit your boring, old, spinster mother."

"Maaa!" Zell couldn't evade the hug and kiss that she had traveled around the table to give him. He closed his eyes and squished up his face as she grabbed his cheeks and kissed him - once on the forehead, then twice on either cheek. She then went and gave Rinoa the same treatment, much to the sorceress's surprise.

"Take care of him, OK?" Ma whispered in Rinoa's ear as Zell headed outside to collect Angelo. "I'm…a little afraid."

Rinoa hugged Ma Dincht back. "I understand. Don't worry, I'll look out for him."

"Good." She led the younger woman to the door and patted her on the back. They watched from the doorway as Zell played with Angelo in the street, holding up a large stick and laughing as the dog leapt to try and snatch it from him. When Rinoa stepped out into the sunshine, Ma Dincht chuckled. "Do me a favor, will ya - tell that Kinneas kid that I'm always up for a game of cards! He hasn't kept up his end of the promise!"

Rinoa and Zell both laughed and waved before walking to the train station. The raven-haired woman had her hands clasped behind her back and was gazing up at the sky thoughtfully. Zell still had the stick and was holding it out while Angelo trailed behind, thinking of a clever way to steal the tempting toy from the martial artist.

"What do you think your mother meant by 'the promise' that she and Irvine had, Zell?"

The martial artist scoffed and shrugged. "I dunno, but something tells me I don't wanna know… If I find out, I might just be tempted to give that damned cowboy another black eye!"

* * *

Squall sat behind the desk in his office, swiveling around in his chair in aimless circles. He couldn't help but feel as if something was amiss in his day, although nothing seemed to be out of place. His office was, as usual, immaculately organized. His paperwork was up-to-date. Garden was running as smoothly as it possibly could have been - so what was the problem?

"_Hyne, don't you get it? If you care about her so much, then you're supposed to do anything for her! It's simple! But I guess you're just too much of a meanie lone wolf to even think about that sort of thing."_

Selphie wasn't the most eloquent of people, but one of her strengths was the fact that she could manage to get her point across regardless. For as jovial a person she was, the pint-sized brunette didn't try to sugarcoat her feelings - they were painted on her face. Squall wouldn't admit it, but that was a trait he valued in her, even if she was criticizing his apathy.

The soon-to-be headmaster knew he wasn't a born romantic. He was never destined to woo a lady with sweet nothings and loving gestures. Even the thought of exposing his feelings - his _weaknesses - _still turned his stomach, despite all the changes he underwent in his personality. Sadly, the more Squall thought about it, he imagined that the only thing he _had _been born for was to lead armies and commit acts of great militaristic strength. If for any reason he were to drown in emotion, he didn't want to bring anyone else down with him, least of all Rinoa. Whereas he would sink to the bottom, Rinoa swam in and explored her emotions the way others would float in water.

"That's what's wrong…"

Squall sat bolt upright in his chair. The biggest change he had made in his life since meeting Rinoa - and his favorite, he had to admit - was kissing her in the morning before he left for his office. She would stir slightly, but remain asleep. Kissing her goodbye made Squall feel as if he had something, some_one, _to work for…it was the best way he knew how to prove his love. Working hard. Earning his place.

Suddenly, Xu entered the room; Squall forgot that he left his door wide open. She noticed the worried expression on the commander's face and matched it with an equally concerned glance of her own. "You going to live today, Leonhart?"

He feigned amusement at her statement. "Still too early in the morning to tell, don't you think?"

Inside, however, he had a different response. He wouldn't share it with Xu, of course - she didn't need to see his weaknesses.

_Hyne, I hope so…_


	15. Gifts and Curses

"Life Long Forgotten"

By: fluffy pantoufle

* * *

"Irvine, Selphie… I'm glad you could make it in today."

Selphie Tilmitt shifted in her uncomfortable wooden chair, a look of concern on her face. The phrase "edge of your seat" was usually reserved for the movies, but it also described the only way to be at ease on a chair in Commander Leonhart's office. Her sparkling emerald eyes scanned Squall's face for a clue as to why he had called them in for a meeting. Over the years, however, the stoic young man developed the keenest of poker faces and was still about as indecipherable as Moomba gibberish. As far as she was aware of, there were no missions to complete or battles to be won. She had to admit, peacetime had been treating the SeeDs spectacularly; Selphie thought about all the time and effort she was now able to put into the Garden Festival and couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Irvine took off his cowboy hat in order to smooth down his long, mahogany-colored hair. "What's the news, Squall? Anything goin' on?"

The commander shook his head. "No, nothing that Garden needs to worry about." There was an awkward pause as Squall tried to think of a way to introduce his topic of discussion. _Damn it, there's no easy way to do this…_

"Tell us what's on your mind, Squall." Selphie offered another smile, this one meant to be supportive of her harried friend. She couldn't think of a reason for Squall to be so distressed, other than the recent debacle between himself and Rinoa. He wouldn't call a meeting for his breakup, though…would he?

"Well…" Squall wound his hands together on top of his desk. "Headmaster Cid usually talks to students about this, but for you two, well… I wanted to do it myself." Suddenly, an idea struck him and before Irvine or Selphie could speak, Squall was rummaging through one of his drawers. "Xu gave me these the other day for you guys…"

The cowboy and the messenger girl shared mutually confused glances at one another before Squall finally found what he was looking for. As if he had two pieces of porcelain, he handed them each a brightly colored pamphlet with Balamb Garden's insignia on the front. Beneath the symbol were several Garden cadets, clustered together in the cafeteria and looking far happier than normal for a military academy. Selphie held the pamphlet in her hands and read each word with excessive care, trying to wake herself up from this miserable dream.

_In Full Bloom: Life After Balamb Garden. _

"Squall, what the hell is this?" The tiny brunette suddenly seemed very large to Squall, for the combination of anger and bewilderment that seethed within her almost poured out of her ears. When in Hyne's name was Irvine going to turn and pinch her?

Unfortunately, Irvine was equally as perplexed. "Is this some kind of joke? Does Xu have candid cameras in here or something?" He started to chuckle in disbelief. "That wicked _minx_…"

Selphie normally would have scolded her boyfriend, but instead ignored him in lieu of answers from Squall. The commander couldn't meet her gaze, try as he might. "Guys, I know that this might come as a shock, especially because no one's been thinking about it much, but… Balamb Garden policy permits that only students that are twenty-years-old and younger are allowed to live and learn here." He paused and took in two lungfuls of air that didn't quite seem like enough. "This goes for SeeDs as well. Of course, you will still be necessary in the event that Garden is called upon to deploy its mercenaries. This can actually work to your benefit, you know…if you're living away from Garden, you might get different mission opportunities than you would if you were here…"

Commander Leonhart had very quickly exhausted his ideas. Nothing was going to make this news any easier. When he finally raised his eyes to meet his friends, he saw the tears trickling down poor Selphie's cheeks.

"This is our _home, _Squall…" The tiny girl whimpered, her fingers digging into the armrests of her chair. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"What about Zell?" Irvine inquired. "And Rinoa?"

"They're in the same boat," Squall said simply. His expressions betrayed no feelings of uneasiness or grief. Little did they know that behind the desk, his stomach was churning like the tumultuous waves of a stormy sea. He took note of where his wastebasket was in the event that his nausea got the better of him.

_Rinoa…she's not even SeeD…_

"Of course, Quistis is staying to teach…" Selphie said to no one in particular. "And _you _stay, because Cid is retiring…" She leapt to her feet. "You're breaking up our family, Squall!"

"I'm not -"

"The hell you _aren't."_ Irvine whispered, his reaction being much less volatile than Selphie's. "Where do you expect us to go?"

"Balamb, Timber, Winhill… I hear that the revitalization of Dollet is going well," Squall said. "You'd probably find great jobs there." His answer wasn't meant to be perceived as cold, but it was taken as such. At times like this, marble pillars and brick walls could still convey more emotion than Squall Leonhart.

"You're unbelievable, Commander." The cowboy stood, tipped his hat, and quickly exited the room. Matron's first rule was: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Irvine realized at that moment how applicable the rule truly was.

Selphie watched him go before turning back to Squall, who squirmed a bit in his swivel chair beneath her gaze. "Squall…does this bother you? Even in the teensiest bit?"

"Of course it does, Selph," he responded without a moment's hesitation. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you guys."

She put her hands on her hips and blew a strand of hair from her face. Her heart felt a pang for the young man, as she _knew _how difficult this decision must have been for him. Regardless, her overwhelming sense of camaraderie and family took over, leaving only feelings of betrayal. "I don't know either, Squall. But…I guess you've been living without us for a long time anyway. This shouldn't be _too _different for you."

"…"

With an exasperated sigh, Selphie stormed out of the room. The pamphlets remained on Squall's desk. Irvine's had been folded and unfolded, leaving a series of tiny creases and grooves over the faces of the cheerful cadets. The commander picked it up and scanned its contents, realizing that he had never done so before. It _was _a bunch of impersonal fodder, words and phrases that didn't sound like Cid Kramer at all. Of course, perhaps the reason why it sounded so distant was because neither Squall nor anyone else ever expected this day to come… Their days in Garden just seemed limitless.

"…whatever."

The single word uttered from Squall's lips sounded foreign and bizarre. For a seventeen-year-old antihero, it seemed perfectly fine. For a twenty-year-old fledgling headmaster…

Needless to say, Squall needed to bone up on his vocabulary a bit.

* * *

_Good morning, and welcome to Gaia Railways. Due to minor construction along the route, our journey today from Balamb Town to Timber may be a bit bumpier than usual. We expect to arrive at the station in Timber in approximately one hour and forty minutes. Relax and enjoy your trip. _

Rinoa gazed up at the ceiling as the sonorous female voice saturated the air. That was one thing she always pondered - why _was _it that people always stared to the sky when they heard a voice or sound that they couldn't place? Even she was guilty of the act, generally catching herself in time to see everyone else around her looking up at a wall clock or cloud, as if they were the keepers of the voices.

She was tempted to ask Zell, but closed her mouth as soon as she opened it. Her companion was sprawled out on the opposite end of the wraparound couch, eyes closed. Angelo was unconscious as well; the pooch had taken the liberty of occupying the available bed, to which neither Rinoa or Zell complained about. Until about ten minutes into the trip, they hadn't planned on falling asleep, but there was just something undeniably comforting about the mechanical ebb and flow of a train ride.

While the sorceress felt a bit queasy on trains, it was obvious that members of SeeD loved their special cabins. Really, all one had to do was ask Selphie about trains in order to get a forty-five minute explanation on how they were quite possibly the greatest form of transportation _ever. _Thankfully for this particular trip, Zell's relaxed state spoke just as loudly as Selphie, sans the actual volume.

Surprisingly, he hadn't said much when they boarded the train. Rinoa could tell that he had a lot on his mind and wasn't willing to draw out of him more than what he would volunteer. Instead, she rummaged through her knapsack and found a cherry-flavored lozenge which she now rolled around her tongue, savoring the taste. It reminded her of her mother…she always had a jarful next to her piano.

_How cute…_

Zell was a fidgety ball of neuroses and energy while awake; Rinoa almost expected him to look the same when taking forty winks. Every muscle in his body was relaxed…it must have felt nice, especially for a martial artist. When your body _was _your weapon, letting it loosen was likely a most welcome treat. With his unusual coif of hair falling in his face, Zell looked like a Chicobo at rest.

Suddenly, a thought crossed her mind.

"Lilia?"

Before her very eyes, the image of Lilia appeared - Rinoa mused that it almost seemed to be a very anticlimactic way of summoning a Guardian Force. The ghost was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall nearest to the raven-haired girl. "May I help you?" Suddenly, she slapped her hand to her forehead. "Hyne, I feel like a genie."

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Yes, I have…" Lilia trailed off, seeming uncharacteristically aimless. "Call it an effort to make you feel less obligated to entertain me."

Rinoa's lips curled into a confused frown. "Why do you say that?"

"I'm just lost in my own thoughts, I suppose." She lifted her chin to the ceiling and closed her eyes. "Ma Dincht… I lost _my _right to be called 'Ma,' haven't I?" The sorceress was about to respond, but Lilia simply lifted a finger. "She's a remarkable woman for letting Zell do this… It's selfless."

Ma Dincht truly was an exceptional woman - Rinoa nodded in agreement to Lilia's statement. They were heading into a situation with no predictable outcome. Mothers had a tendency to fear for their children's safety and would do everything in their power to shield them from danger, mercenary or not. Of course, it wasn't as if Zell's mother wasn't willing to protect him, but… She was aware of the fact that a life filled with doubt wasn't very fulfilling. Rinoa was blessed to not have the doubts in her life that her companions had.

Not only that, but Ma Dincht was confident. She knew that no matter the outcome, Zell would not move her from his heart. That was _her _boy, through and through.

"Do you think me selfish, Rinoa?"

It was an interesting question indeed.

"I…I don't know," The young woman answered truthfully. "There's a part of me that wonders what's going to happen to Zell if this…goes bad, I guess… And it scares me. I wonder whether or not he actually _has _to see his father if he's broken in order to feel whole." She paused, momentarily reminiscing about the countless conversations she shared with Zell about parentage. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this was something he always wanted. "But then I realize that I never met anyone who needed their family more than Zell Dincht. Good or bad, he'll find a way to make it work in his favor." Neither of them spoke, instead listening to the quiet, wooden drone of the train as it raced over the tracks. A shiver crept its way down her spine, and she had to convince herself that it was merely due to the presence of a ghost in the room.

"Making him aware of who he is in exchange for eternal peace isn't quite that selfish, maybe." Rinoa shrugged and looked to Lilia, who had a small smile on her face. "Can you agree with that?"

The specter nodded. "I think so."

Both women decided to bide their time by watching Zell as he began to toss and turn. Rinoa sighed - quite often Squall did the same thing during the night. Sometimes it was easy to forget that her friends were mercenaries; riotous dreams came with the territory. Interestingly enough, since becoming a sorceress Rinoa noticed that her dreams became much more calming and fantastical. During the night, she was lying on a white-sand beach while her friends were battling a losing war with their misshapen memories…

"Poor kid," Lilia whispered. "He usually has pretty quiet dreams. Nothing like this."

"Really?" Rinoa was genuinely surprised. "I would think that everyone I know has nightmares at least four times a week from what we've seen in our lifetimes…"

"Deris used to have nightmares that were somethin' awful." The blonde recalled the memory of her husband and smiled, glancing away from both Rinoa and Zell. "Night terrors, they called 'em. He'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and I'd have to calm him down. I remember Zell waking up a couple times as a baby to that sound."

Rinoa let out a breathy laugh. "Trying to liberate Timber can do that to you…I know." Not realizing that she never divulged her freedom fighting days, she was surprised to see Lilia stare at her with rapt attention. "I was a member of the Forest Owls with Zone and Watts at one point a couple years ago."

"Were you now?" When Rinoa nodded, Lilia blinked her bright cerulean eyes in disbelief. How did this conversation not occur earlier? "Zone and Watts…they're good boys. They had great fathers. Amazing families, really. How did they grow up?"

"They're wonderful guys," The young sorceress said, smiling. She was happy to forge a common bond with the mother of her best friend. "Watts just absorbs information like a sponge, and Zone…is a character, to say the least."

Lilia simply smiled in response, the expression in her eyes indicative of the memories surfacing in her mind. Rinoa tried to imagine Zone and Watts as young boys in Timber, but couldn't do so without a comical image popping up. Zone had always been so attached to his naughty magazines that to see him without them was nearly impossible. And Watts! Even as a man, he was overwhelmingly polite and meek, almost the antithesis of a man involved in resistance.

"I'm probably going to leave you for awhile once we arrive in Timber," Lilia said wistfully. "I expect that I'll be seeing many of my old friends…you will, too."

"Ghosts?"

The blonde nodded. "I'd like you to follow me, and not talk to anyone else - with your gift, I suspect that it must be hard to distinguish who's alive and who's dead, eh? Don't want you talking to a ghost in the middle of the street and making yourself look insane!"

Rinoa nodded. "Fair enough." She knew that it _was _quite difficult, judging from her first experience with Janquais Cyncad. Not only that, but in a city like Timber there were bound to be countless ghosts that met untimely demises; unlike other locations, almost everyone in Timber was a contributor to the resistance movements of long ago. The thought of so many with unfinished aspirations left the sorceress with a bitter taste in her mouth. She imagined having all of her goals snatched away from her in one defining moment, but the scene came up murky. Hopefully, beyond this moment, she'd never have to think of it again.

As they both again began to mull over their thoughts, Lilia slowly disappeared. Rinoa's answer did not satisfy the ghost - if anything, she felt more troubled than ever before.

_Selfish… I know I probably could have done this on my own. Of course. But…I know my purpose. When I find my husband, I'll find my peace…what's wrong with wanting to share that with my son? _

Meanwhile, Rinoa found herself concerned for Zell's well-being. He was strong of both mind and body, but she wondered how much the young martial artist could take emotionally. Barring Amaris - who everyone knew was a little batty, probably from working all those years in the library - Zell never had his relationships challenged. His friends were steadfast, his mother doting…this trip shook up everything that he ever stood for.

Slowly, Rinoa leaned forward and situated herself on the couch so that she was lying on her stomach, her chin resting against folded forearms. In this position, she was only several inches from Zell's sleeping form, the citrus scent of his shampoo flooding her senses. Something about him just seemed so Hyne-damned _vulnerable, _and Rinoa wanted to believe that she could make everything all right. With a tentative hand, the sorceress reached out and laid her fingertips against Zell's golden strands, stroking them gently. His hair was surprisingly soft despite the incredible amount of product it must have required to keep it standing so straight in the front.

_I want to protect you, Zell… _

With her hand slowly caressing Zell's hair - back and forth, back and forth - Rinoa closed her pretty hazel eyes and lulled herself back onto the white-sand shores of her dreams…

* * *

A/N: Ah! I don't really know how I feel about this chapter...just another transitory piece. I think that once they actually get to Timber it'll be a lot more exciting. However, I _do _like the drama that's now going on at Balamb Garden. Personally, I always found it funny how fanfiction authors just assume that the gang hangs out at Garden forever - wouldn't you want to move on after awhile? Maybe, maybe not, BUT... I started a new FF8 saved game the other day, seeing as I haven't played it in years and years... And the little computer in Quistis's classroom states that all Garden students must leave after turning 20, regardless of whether or not they made SeeD. Interesting, eh? I never knew that. Hopefully I have shed new light upon ye! ^__^


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